Thursday, June 3, 2010

Goodbye Junior Year.

So much has taken place in the last year. Sometimes I cant believe that I havent written more but looking back I see that I really had no time. Between school, homework, theatre, family, friends, and church... I really havent had time.

I cant believe its over... well one exam left but who's counting? Junior Year... the hardest high school year is over. It went by so fast!

Through it all, the struggles and the aches, I found joy. The joy of the Holy Spirit filled within me. It's presences is like being home, a home I have never known before but remember so well.

Gosh, I wish I had the words to say here. This place was once something I needed. I needed to come and spill my heart out and write but now I dont think I need it anymore. I will come and occasionally write here but I dont think it will ever become regularly again.

My unofficial goodbye...

Goodbye Junior Year, goodbye blog. Hello Senior Year,

Monday, March 15, 2010

First Blog Post in 10,000 Years!!

Okay so I know I have been gone... but Junior Year has killed my time! Please notice that from when I started in Freshman Year how much I have decreased in amount of posts. Anywho this year has kept me plenty busy and to be quite honest I should be doing other stuff right now. ha.

This weekend has been great. I have gotten to spend some one-on-one time with a best friend while she has been recuperating from a minor oral surgery... (wisdom teeth)... She has just needed a couple of other hands to help her out with her busy schedule while she gets back fully on her feet. But I have loved every minute! I adore being an assistant! That has to be one of the greatest jobs! There is something so joyous in helping and serving someone else in their needs! I wish I had millions of dollars just so I could spend it lavishly on others. I just love helping people out and I want to lift up a shout of praise to the Lord for laying this gift down upon me because otherwise I am a selfish and prideful person!

Next subject to keep you updated on... Schoolio. Well Junior Year is kicking my butt! Lets just say I have gotten a few grades that I have never seen before. But I am relying on the Lord. I believe that He has a plan for my life and I have a security of mind in that! I am not worrying about my future and I know that He will provide what I need for a future in Him. What is their to worry about with a faithful God like ours? College? I have no idea! Will I worry? Nope. Career? Life? Future? I have not a clue? Will I worry? Nope... It isnt like i have given up on trying at school or anything like that its just that I know that if I come before the Lord in prayer and in growing in His word and seeking Him first I know He will lead my heart in the direction I need to go to fulfill His will on my life. So there. He wins.

Subject number three... I dont really know of another subject. My life is getting steadily more and more about the Trinity and His effects on my life! Anything else you wanna know about me... is probably useless information BUT just contact me!

I love you whoever you are... I promise I do!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Jesus Christ Answers and Says:

Me: "I am sorry, I am so sorry for what I have done to you!"

"I forgive you."

Me: "Why?"

"I love you."

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Forgotten God

Hi Blog World.

I am sitting in the Wake Forest Coffee Company. I have been here for quite a while and have quite a while to go but I needed a break from graphing x(x+2)>0 and reading about early westward expansion in the United States.

I love WFCC for a couple reasons.
1. I can sit, listen to music, get free internet, do homework without being bothered by family or dogs or anything.
2. All around me are Seminary students and i get to sit here and hear many conversations about the Lord and it just gives me a smile.

Today I am sitting in "my chair"... a big lounge chair in the corner with a side table and a great view of the rest of the shop. I am listening to "Holy" by Jesus Culture and blogging. :)

I can't help but smile right now... not because of where I am or what Im doing but for the sole reason that the Holy Spirit dwells within me. I know He does because their is a new joy within me and their is a new reason to love and smile. I love people and family more than I used to. I can hardly handle the love that fills my heart! It is unlike anything I have ever felt before.

A friend and I were sitting at Brueggers one afternoon just hanging out and we had this conversation about the Holy Spirit and how we commonly disregard Him as a powerful part of the Holy Trinity. We felt the constant tug to come to Him but we resisted so much. My friend gave me this analogy.... Its like we are standing behind the door and pushing with all our might. On the other side of the door is the Holy Spirit. As hard as we push there is still some of the Holy light that pours into the room and with every bit of light our longing for that grows but because of human nature and worldly fears of His power we push harder against the door. ... After that conversation my friend and I started fighting in prayer for each other and ourselves personally. We prayed that the Holy Spirit would crush that door we were hiding behind and fight His way into our hearts.

... that was about 2 or 3 months ago and I can honestly by the name of the Lord most High say that the Holy Spirit answered our prayers and came "in widely, swords swinging" (excerpt from a song by Jess Ray and the Rag Tag Army) and fought for us and lit up our hearts with a burning longing fire and a joyful soul.

Of course I can never claim to know the Holy Spirit fully but slowly He is claiming me and my life and I willingly give it up for His use! For the change He has already made has just been the most incredible time period of my life! Its almost indescribable. Worship has become so personal and insanely important to me. Worldly fears that I had struggled with before have ceased. My heart filled with more love for everyone... that is excluding almost no one! I can hardly believe it myself!

The Holy Spirit is powerful and not to be forgotten or afraid of.

Worthy Father, Loving Savior, Holy Spirit I exalt thee,

ps. The Forgotten God is a book by Francis Chan... READ IT

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Snowy Raleigh... What are the odds?

(Indie in the snow)

Snow Day # 5

With 5 days of snow, 3 days off of school, 7+ people in my house, 2 dogs, too many hours spent watching tv, absurd amount of computer time, and too little amount of hours slept...

Im over the snow. ha.


I am sitting here listening to one of my favorite musical artists, Ray Lamontagne! His voice combined with the flickering light from the fireplace and the warm steamed hot chocolate in my mug is making for a good night.

I have enjoyed my snow days immensely! They have been fantastic and were very much welcomed at the beginning.

Day 1 : Friday - Met the youth group at the church and left for the mountains... had a great ride up to Greensboro before it started to snow and we had to turn around because it was too dangerous! Got home and was a bit sad because my Sister and make-believe sister were stuck up on the mountain!

Day 2: Saturday - Woke up and relaxed for a bit and had breakfast. Then went outside with the family with our dogs and had a great time just playin around. Then a family movie was in order. By the end of the day the family was on edge and grumpy for no apparent reason other than being stuck all together without our comic relief aka Whitney.

Day 3: Sunday - More snow, more movies, more computer. Then Whit and Jess got back from the mountains and came over(to keep the Snow Day Tradition alive) Then we went on a walk on the golf course and went snowboarding and sledding down the hills. When we got back we warmed up together by watching or attempting to watch a movie... and then ultimately just going to sleep ha.

Day 4: Monday - After being stuck in the house for a while we (Jess, Whit, Sam and I) decided that it was time to go on an adventure to the Wake Forest Coffee Co. getting there we ran into some minor slippery mishaps (hehe) but arrived safely. There we sat for hours doing homework and reading together until it was dinner time and so we left and went to dinner with the family. Then Jess and Whitney left with Indie back to the apt because they both had to work in the morning. In their place came : Josh, HG, and Beth. From there we made a massive fire in the fire pit and the girls roasted hotdogs and marshmellows while the boys went and threw snowballs at cars! ha (typical) ... after that we hung out and talked until about 4ish then all fell deep into sleeptown.

Day 5: Tuesday - Still no school. Hg and Josh hung out for a while and we just hung out and spent quality time with friends. But all of these lovely things must come to an end. So they went back home and now here we are. I am sitting in my living room drowning myself in Snowy Night Perfection.

The only problem is that tomorrow we still are out of school!!! What to do... what to do!

Well I plan on getting sleep tonight, ill keep you updated on Day 6!

Friday, January 29, 2010

The District Ski Retreat '10... or not.

Our 3rd North Ridge Youth event was cancelled.

After 2 hours of driving, one hour of that in the snow, we had to turn around and come home. All of this while part of our leadership (our Sheps and Make-Believe Sheps) were stuck at the retreat center.

I am sitting on my bed... and the snow is still pouring and will continue to pour until about 8pm tomorrow and possibly later than that! But there is one part about tonight that is making me super sad....I wasnt too sad about the cancelation just because i saw it coming but I just got hit with the fact that both my best friend and sister are stuck up on the mountain and I am stuck down here. That makes me incredibly sad cause I was so looking forward to this weekend and now there is no Retreat and no BFF (yes Jess Ray I just called you my BFF... dont get used to it! ha) and NO Sister! I am happy about the Snow Day but it just wont be the same without Whitta. I havent had a Snow Day without her since my age was in the single digits! Its gunna be a boring three days.

My only friend by my side... Indie!!

Lord what is Your plan for our Youth Group? Clarify Your will for us Father!


Monday, January 25, 2010

Joy in the dead of the Winter.

Tonight I find myself in my favorite summer retreat... on my back porch enjoying the weather. Ha.

Irony: Its winter.
BUT hey it's North Carolina... so you can't really depend on it being cold. ha.

Today was the first day of Missions Conference at my church, North Ridge Church (CMA), and I just adored it! What I did this weekend was exactly what I want to do with my entire life!! We spent two days setting up a huge stage and incredible layout for the Missions service in the gym! Two days of cords, mics, instruments, sound(and its aggravations), laughter, fellowship, perfecting my perfectionist tendencies, learning sooo much more, becoming bold in my ear and its abilities, spending sweet time with friends, Serving!, Worshiping!... I love this kind of stuff!! Sheesh! I love it!

Praise God because His mercies are indescribable!

After all of that setting up it all came down to two events... one morning and one evening service. They were both insanely awesome! For me they were at least! I just get so much pleasure at being at that church and praising the Lord with those adorable people! I just can't get over it!

But now I am going to go to sleep so I can use this school-free day tomorrow to my advantage! ha.

Holy Spirit thank You for Your joy!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here.

There is something so intriguing about the Spirit of the Living God.

He is always around but we seem to devise a false fact that He is only around at youth retreats, spiritual conferences and "good" worship nights. Why do we look past His signals and signs that shines brightly on our faces?

I do not understand Him. The Lord has called us to live in the Spirit... Therefore I must. I long to understand His ways but this earth screams at me and tells me that His ways are too this or too that! Even some forms of the Church... the house of the Lord... strives to keep His ways out! I do not wish to do so!

I want to read the Bible take it literally! I want to read what the Lord says and asks and then I want to be able to do... not to hold back to fulfill partially... but to DO!

As my heart and longing grows for knowledge of the Spirit also the struggle and battle of the enemy increases. As I search for the Spirit the enemy is strong at work to cause confusion and doubt within me. I am pressing through the evil one's ploys and schemes but they take a toll on my heart. There is only one cure and that is the Lord. He is my comfort and strength.

I constantly find the enemy deceiving my thoughts by the closure of my mouth. He knows that one of the most powerful ways to convey the Spirit and His power, along with action, is speech. He spits out lies upon lies that the things I have been experiencing with the Lord are unworthy of speech. That what the Holy Spirit is doing in my life is too minuscule for anyone to care. When I try to speak, fear grips my heart and my words are silent. I hate it. I hate that I have been conned into this lie. I hate that I cannot find my way out of it because I sometimes still believe it. Even as I write this the evil one is heavy on my shoulders and is whispering continual lies into my ears. Right now he is hammering the feeling of disappointment into my thoughts. He is telling me that I should feel disappointed in myself for not even going to the one person on earth I confide everything in. The one person that is most stoked about the Spirit's work right now and I have not even told her the work in me except for a few measly text messages. I know these lies to be wretched and deceitful and yet I hear them. Wow Satan sure knows your weaknesses and he goes right for the cheap shots.
These battles are strong... Father, fight for me. I call out to your immovable power!

I want the Spirit to destroy these fears and doubts. I know He can! I don't want to come down from that mountaintop! I want to live it and use it for The Holy and worthy Father's glory!

Holy Spirit create in me a dwelling place... fight for me,

Monday, January 18, 2010

65 degrees and Fearing

Today is a perfect day.

The weather is a lovely 65 degrees.
My windows are open to the soft wind.
My speakers are streaming beautiful melodies.

But today all I can think upon are my friends that are going to Thailand in 4 days. They are going to witness first hand what the Sex Slave Trade is doing to girls lives in Thailand. All I can think upon is the pain that they are going to have to witness. I know that it is for the Lord's glory and Will that they are going to see this pain causing sight. I can't help but ache within for them.

I want to be rejoicing in the fact that I am seeing the Lord's call on their lives! I want to be ecstatic that they are carrying the Lord's news to the other side of the world...

I AM. This the end of my fears. I am no longer going to fear for them...
I am going to fight for them in prayer.

Worthy God, I believe that You will protect them. Protect them in the physical and their weakness of heart. I believe that You can bring Your Name across the seas. I believe that You will be their stronghold and keep them mighty in Your Will.
To You be the glory,

I AM praising the Lord for the girls and their ministry in Lifted!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


There is a difference inside of me! I can feel it rising up! The Holy Spirit has torn through my barriers that I have built up over the years!


I have let go of my fear and my doubt! I have let go of unbelief!


The Spirit now directs my feet and puts sound on my lips. A New Heart has been formed within me and I have no choice but to fall upon my knees and thank the faithful Living God! His mercies are new everyday!

My father loves me!
"We are never the same after we encounter the love of God!" -Kim Walker

Thank you Jesus, Thank you Savior!