Thursday, February 26, 2009

Ode to Friends


I thank you.
For being there.
For teaching me.
For encouraging me.
For challenging me.
For hugging me when I cried.
For loving me.
For going for coffee.
For living a life for Christ.
For laughing with me.
For spending way too much time with me.
For caring.
For putting up with my insane picture taking frenzies.
For making a smile oh so much more special.
For being a part of my growing up.
For helping me get on my feet when I fall.
For being my friend.

stephie

A little girl's heart.


I want to write like she does
I want to sing like she does
I want to be able to live like she does
I want to have her talent
I want her style
I want her hair
I want that ability
I want his attention
I want that smile
I want their laughter pointed at me
I want their friendship
I want their eyes turned upon me
I want to play like they do
I want to be as smart as they are
I want their acceptance
I want their love
I want this thing
I want that thing
I want I want I want I want I want...


All of that want is waste...because He Reigns.
Stephie

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Incapable.


I arrived at my house tonight at 8:45pm after a 12 hour day at school.

I came home with my back hunched over, my eyes red with exhaustion, my throat sore from coughing, my nose raw with the wonders of having a cold, and my body just wanting to fall into bed.

But I came home to expectations and anticipation and wanting and needing and a peppy mood and things that tonight i couldnt give people. I came home to siblings that returned from long trips and a mom that wanted details and a dog that wanted attention. They wanted reactions and liveliness but I couldnt give them what they wanted...i was incapable. I couldnt please tonight.

Im Sorry.


Relying on God even more,
Stephie

Tuesday Update


Its started.

The crazy-busy-Stephie is back.

I have had major amounts of homework lately! Seriously like papers and essays almost every night! and I have to go back to school in about 45 mins for rehearsal that will last until about 9ish. Then i have to come home and do homework...a ton of it.


Rehearsal schedule for the next few weeks/months:

Mondays : 4pm-6pm
Tuesdays: 4pm-9pm
Thursdays: 4pm-6pm

Not too bad i think.

and even though im pretty tired and i need sleep and energy... I am wearing a smile on my face, because I find that Christ brings overwhelming happiness.

and i will take the advice of someone special:

"Don't over do it. Take breaks whenever you can. Rely on the Lord. the end."

and ill just leave it at that,
Stephie

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Exhaustion with a little Blessing.


Im Exhausted.

That is the perfect way to put my feelings at the moment. So tired i could fall asleep writing this but i cant do that because I have two papers to finish before i go to sleep.

BUT...i just talked to the other Stage Manager for the musical at my school and wow she just told me to just start back coming to rehearsal next week so that i can get caught up from the days i missed last week. I love her! That is such a blessing because i dont think i could have made it the entire week without breaking down if she hadnt just taken that burden away! Ahh. I love Lexi!

But next Sunday is my last week as a techie for a while and that saddens me! However much work i do there, i completely love every minute of it. Whether Jess is telling me [ well she asks but the answer is always yes ] something to do or im unwrapping a cord from the cabinet...i love it.

and even sadder is that I only have two weeks left of Techie Sundays for the entire year! My next block is in April and there is only two weeks for that block and then we have the Sr. High Beach Retreat! That deeply saddens me!

Ahh well i have to get to those papers!

Praying for strength,
Stephie

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Imagine If...


Okay imagine with me for a second. Imagine that you get an offer tomorrow [or in my case when i get out of high school] that would take you away from your home for 5 years or so and you take it because it is an amazing opportunity or what not. So you go away and you talk to people from home only like once every three months or so just because what you are doing keeps you quite busy. But then your 5 years comes to a close and you go back home. What do you think has changed?

As i wrote that prompt type thing, or thought about it on the way home from downtown today i actually tried to answer what i really thought would be different.

Okay so say i left the day i finished high school [because logically i wouldn't do anything like that before i finished high school] and i came home when i was 23 years old.

My family:

Mom and Dad probably wouldn't have changed much...maybe have moved into a smaller place just for them but thats probably about it. Just a little bit older.

Max: I would hope moved out and in his own place and has at least a girl friend...fiance? wife? please?...With him it is hard to say because i would really like to hope that he kept with the photography thing and travels around to different stadiums taking pictures for different sports teams around the country...but he changes his mind to quickly so i dont know.

Mere: She probably would stay pretty much the same...she is kinda like that.

Whit: Well whitta, really i would probably pack her in my suitcase to come with me but since thats not an option i would say that she still would have her job with Holly Aiken but she could have also opened a Stitch in another city like Atlanta or something like that...just because i dont expect her to stay here in Raleigh for the rest of her life. Hopefully there is a man in her life as well. =]

Sammy Boy: Well 7 years from now Sam will be 21 so he will still be in college somewhere because he will totally get into a great college and find a profession that he will just love and look good in the attire...i see him as like a graphic designer somewhere. And probably still hundreds of girls flocking to him.

Friends:

Hannah Grace: Well she will be the same age as Sammy Boy but i dont see her leaving the city of Raleigh so maybe she will go to somewhere like State or Carolina. She will be so big! And she will be doing big things!

Jess: Well this one is easy! She will of course be big and famous in the Christian music industry, but not like "big" like the category of music that plays on the radio, just cause not a lot of good Christian music comes from the radio...but who knows maybe she will change all that. I imagine Jessica Lyndon Ray music to be like Shane & Shane or Hillsong, you know like the type of artists that are big and known [and loved] by mostly all Christians but arent big because they are on the radio. I dont know...all i know is that she is going to be big and her music is going to change things and ignite hearts all over the country, maybe even the world. Ohh and we cant forget that her last name will no longer be Ray but replaced with the lovely name of Miller [hehe].

Catherine: Oh Catherine, the thing is that i can imagine Cat doing so many things that it is hard to say what will actually end up happening in the next seven years for her. I mean she has such a big heart for the Lord and I really want that heart to be shared with the world! So maybe she will still be in Raleigh teaching, but maybe she will be elsewhere spreading Christ's name.

Heather: One thing i know for sure...Heather Wilson.

Sam Bird: Wow. All i can imagine for Sam in 7 years is that she is someone really successful, she knows what she is doing and she does it well [ i dont know what it is yet...hehe], and not to mention she looks amazing while doing whatever it is because it would be out of character for her not to look good. I can also see her on a late night drinking her green tea and writing poetry or creative non-fiction or a short story...just for fun. And i could most definitely imagine a boy somewhere in the mix of things.

Katie: Well Toon, the only thing i can see in Katie's future is her serving the Lord to the fullest. And im not sure what that actually means, i mean i dont know what particular thing she will be doing to praise and fulfill His plan but I know she will be completely at His will and doing everything with that lovely smile and beautiful laugh...even if it can sometimes be a little late ;].

Daryl: Theatre. She will be in some capacity completely submersed in theatre. But praising the Lord with every single breath she has. She is going to do big things...im sure of it.


Well, things would be different. But im okay with that.
Stephie

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Passion? Hobby? Job?

This photograph is of Jessica Lyndon Ray


Sometimes I wish that I could be a photographer for the rest of my life. I wish I could just do that, that thing above. I wish I could go around with a band and take a million pictures in an hour [ cause its possible, and i would do it ] and praise God and just smile while doing all of this. I wish I could express myself every day by pressing my finger to that round button on the camera and making memories last forever. I love getting people to smile for a picture or catching action when no one sees me. The best kind of picture in my opinion is the Candid Shot. I mean really...seriously, I love candid shots because they show the real emotion of that specific moment that my finger pressed that round button. Ahhh its fantastic!

but then sometimes i just want it to be something I do on the weekends, in my free time, when I am with my friends. Because that keeps it special to me, it keeps it my thing and not my job.

I love memories,
Stephie

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Off

I've just been a little off today.

I'm not feeling too well mentally tonight. There was a reason i didn't speak in cell group like i usually do.

And i did have my hopes up...i know shouldn't have, but i did.

Sleep sounds like perfection right now,
Stephie

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear Lord,


I need You.

I love the feeling of Your arms wrapped around my feeble body. I love the feeling of You telling me that You love me and You are here for me. I love the feeling that You are right beside me. I love the feeling of Your strength running through me. I love that feeling of giving myself up to You, because its like being right at home. I love the feeling of my hands raised, my eyes shut, my voice crying Your praise, because right then I can feel Your smile and it is unlike any other happiness i have ever felt. I love that feeling of smiling because You are not just in my life you are my life because i am yours bought by Your precious blood, the ultimate price. I love being Your servant, here on this earth to do Your will. I love reading Your story and Your words because it brings me that much closer to You. I love kneeling on the floor before you singing because at that point I am nothing, a spec on the ground and You are Everything. I love sitting in the dark gym with Jess singing her heart out to You as I sit just talking to You and just crying out to You. I love knowing that You have a plan for me and my life. I love knowing that i can put my everything on You and trust in You and You will lead me to where I am supposed to be.

I adore You Lord.

Yours to do Your will,
Stephie

Good Day I Think.


Im better!! Yipper skipper.

"Its just a little chest cold" now. [first one to name the movie im quoting gets a really big hug the next time i see them] I plan on going to school tomorrow, which will be awesome because i will be going to school on my favorite day of the week and ill only have three days of school left in the week!

Sad news...the apt is out of town this weekend. Whit is gone on a roadtrip to Wyoming, Jess is going to Boonetown, and Cat is going...well actually i dont know where she is going this weekend, i just know she isnt going to be here...i wonder where Princess Indie is going to be.

Maybe Hannah Grace can come over this weekend =] thats a happy thought.

Im listening to new music!! Dont you love that feeling?!?! The band is Slow Club. Its actually a pretty cool band...slightly odd but cool.

Cell Group tomorrow...GNO night Friday...maybe something enjoyable on Thursday [crossing my fingers]

Im in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and between the coughing im smiling. Good day I think.
Stephie