Monday, November 23, 2009


Its here.

The overwhelming feelings. The future is clear... extreme lack of sleep, late (if done) homework, Family time at 0%, Friend time at -4%, the feeling of crying for days because of the intense amount of pressure that is crushing me, communication is basically through texting (I wont even have time for a phone call), grades at the lowest they have ever been.

Really? Why do I do this to myself? For a week I kill myself. I am a literal walking zombie. I dont get to go to church. I will be at school for roughly 171 hours in the span of two weeks. For comparison...A normal student that goes to an after school activity once a week is in school for 72 hours in two weeks.

I think I should be formally charged with insanity. That is a difference of 99 hours in a SCHOOL! What would possess someone to do this to themselves?

I cannot answer that question. I do love it sometimes. I do get pleasure after the show is completed or when I see my friends and family watching the show I had a major role in producing. But is that worth it? Is a scholarship worth 6 weeks out of my life every year spent completely at a school exhausting myself?

The Lord has always been my strength for these weeks. I cannot do it without His loving voice. He is my warm hugs on the long nights in the Theatre. I rest in Him.

Praying for His warmth,

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