Thursday, February 26, 2009

Ode to Friends

I thank you.
For being there.
For teaching me.
For encouraging me.
For challenging me.
For hugging me when I cried.
For loving me.
For going for coffee.
For living a life for Christ.
For laughing with me.
For spending way too much time with me.
For caring.
For putting up with my insane picture taking frenzies.
For making a smile oh so much more special.
For being a part of my growing up.
For helping me get on my feet when I fall.
For being my friend.


A little girl's heart.

I want to write like she does
I want to sing like she does
I want to be able to live like she does
I want to have her talent
I want her style
I want her hair
I want that ability
I want his attention
I want that smile
I want their laughter pointed at me
I want their friendship
I want their eyes turned upon me
I want to play like they do
I want to be as smart as they are
I want their acceptance
I want their love
I want this thing
I want that thing
I want I want I want I want I want...

All of that want is waste...because He Reigns.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I arrived at my house tonight at 8:45pm after a 12 hour day at school.

I came home with my back hunched over, my eyes red with exhaustion, my throat sore from coughing, my nose raw with the wonders of having a cold, and my body just wanting to fall into bed.

But I came home to expectations and anticipation and wanting and needing and a peppy mood and things that tonight i couldnt give people. I came home to siblings that returned from long trips and a mom that wanted details and a dog that wanted attention. They wanted reactions and liveliness but I couldnt give them what they wanted...i was incapable. I couldnt please tonight.

Im Sorry.

Relying on God even more,

Tuesday Update

Its started.

The crazy-busy-Stephie is back.

I have had major amounts of homework lately! Seriously like papers and essays almost every night! and I have to go back to school in about 45 mins for rehearsal that will last until about 9ish. Then i have to come home and do homework...a ton of it.

Rehearsal schedule for the next few weeks/months:

Mondays : 4pm-6pm
Tuesdays: 4pm-9pm
Thursdays: 4pm-6pm

Not too bad i think.

and even though im pretty tired and i need sleep and energy... I am wearing a smile on my face, because I find that Christ brings overwhelming happiness.

and i will take the advice of someone special:

"Don't over do it. Take breaks whenever you can. Rely on the Lord. the end."

and ill just leave it at that,

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Exhaustion with a little Blessing.

Im Exhausted.

That is the perfect way to put my feelings at the moment. So tired i could fall asleep writing this but i cant do that because I have two papers to finish before i go to sleep.

BUT...i just talked to the other Stage Manager for the musical at my school and wow she just told me to just start back coming to rehearsal next week so that i can get caught up from the days i missed last week. I love her! That is such a blessing because i dont think i could have made it the entire week without breaking down if she hadnt just taken that burden away! Ahh. I love Lexi!

But next Sunday is my last week as a techie for a while and that saddens me! However much work i do there, i completely love every minute of it. Whether Jess is telling me [ well she asks but the answer is always yes ] something to do or im unwrapping a cord from the cabinet...i love it.

and even sadder is that I only have two weeks left of Techie Sundays for the entire year! My next block is in April and there is only two weeks for that block and then we have the Sr. High Beach Retreat! That deeply saddens me!

Ahh well i have to get to those papers!

Praying for strength,

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Imagine If...

Okay imagine with me for a second. Imagine that you get an offer tomorrow [or in my case when i get out of high school] that would take you away from your home for 5 years or so and you take it because it is an amazing opportunity or what not. So you go away and you talk to people from home only like once every three months or so just because what you are doing keeps you quite busy. But then your 5 years comes to a close and you go back home. What do you think has changed?

As i wrote that prompt type thing, or thought about it on the way home from downtown today i actually tried to answer what i really thought would be different.

Okay so say i left the day i finished high school [because logically i wouldn't do anything like that before i finished high school] and i came home when i was 23 years old.

My family:

Mom and Dad probably wouldn't have changed much...maybe have moved into a smaller place just for them but thats probably about it. Just a little bit older.

Max: I would hope moved out and in his own place and has at least a girl friend...fiance? wife? please?...With him it is hard to say because i would really like to hope that he kept with the photography thing and travels around to different stadiums taking pictures for different sports teams around the country...but he changes his mind to quickly so i dont know.

Mere: She probably would stay pretty much the same...she is kinda like that.

Whit: Well whitta, really i would probably pack her in my suitcase to come with me but since thats not an option i would say that she still would have her job with Holly Aiken but she could have also opened a Stitch in another city like Atlanta or something like that...just because i dont expect her to stay here in Raleigh for the rest of her life. Hopefully there is a man in her life as well. =]

Sammy Boy: Well 7 years from now Sam will be 21 so he will still be in college somewhere because he will totally get into a great college and find a profession that he will just love and look good in the attire...i see him as like a graphic designer somewhere. And probably still hundreds of girls flocking to him.


Hannah Grace: Well she will be the same age as Sammy Boy but i dont see her leaving the city of Raleigh so maybe she will go to somewhere like State or Carolina. She will be so big! And she will be doing big things!

Jess: Well this one is easy! She will of course be big and famous in the Christian music industry, but not like "big" like the category of music that plays on the radio, just cause not a lot of good Christian music comes from the radio...but who knows maybe she will change all that. I imagine Jessica Lyndon Ray music to be like Shane & Shane or Hillsong, you know like the type of artists that are big and known [and loved] by mostly all Christians but arent big because they are on the radio. I dont know...all i know is that she is going to be big and her music is going to change things and ignite hearts all over the country, maybe even the world. Ohh and we cant forget that her last name will no longer be Ray but replaced with the lovely name of Miller [hehe].

Catherine: Oh Catherine, the thing is that i can imagine Cat doing so many things that it is hard to say what will actually end up happening in the next seven years for her. I mean she has such a big heart for the Lord and I really want that heart to be shared with the world! So maybe she will still be in Raleigh teaching, but maybe she will be elsewhere spreading Christ's name.

Heather: One thing i know for sure...Heather Wilson.

Sam Bird: Wow. All i can imagine for Sam in 7 years is that she is someone really successful, she knows what she is doing and she does it well [ i dont know what it is yet...hehe], and not to mention she looks amazing while doing whatever it is because it would be out of character for her not to look good. I can also see her on a late night drinking her green tea and writing poetry or creative non-fiction or a short story...just for fun. And i could most definitely imagine a boy somewhere in the mix of things.

Katie: Well Toon, the only thing i can see in Katie's future is her serving the Lord to the fullest. And im not sure what that actually means, i mean i dont know what particular thing she will be doing to praise and fulfill His plan but I know she will be completely at His will and doing everything with that lovely smile and beautiful laugh...even if it can sometimes be a little late ;].

Daryl: Theatre. She will be in some capacity completely submersed in theatre. But praising the Lord with every single breath she has. She is going to do big sure of it.

Well, things would be different. But im okay with that.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Passion? Hobby? Job?

This photograph is of Jessica Lyndon Ray

Sometimes I wish that I could be a photographer for the rest of my life. I wish I could just do that, that thing above. I wish I could go around with a band and take a million pictures in an hour [ cause its possible, and i would do it ] and praise God and just smile while doing all of this. I wish I could express myself every day by pressing my finger to that round button on the camera and making memories last forever. I love getting people to smile for a picture or catching action when no one sees me. The best kind of picture in my opinion is the Candid Shot. I mean really...seriously, I love candid shots because they show the real emotion of that specific moment that my finger pressed that round button. Ahhh its fantastic!

but then sometimes i just want it to be something I do on the weekends, in my free time, when I am with my friends. Because that keeps it special to me, it keeps it my thing and not my job.

I love memories,

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


I've just been a little off today.

I'm not feeling too well mentally tonight. There was a reason i didn't speak in cell group like i usually do.

And i did have my hopes up...i know shouldn't have, but i did.

Sleep sounds like perfection right now,

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear Lord,

I need You.

I love the feeling of Your arms wrapped around my feeble body. I love the feeling of You telling me that You love me and You are here for me. I love the feeling that You are right beside me. I love the feeling of Your strength running through me. I love that feeling of giving myself up to You, because its like being right at home. I love the feeling of my hands raised, my eyes shut, my voice crying Your praise, because right then I can feel Your smile and it is unlike any other happiness i have ever felt. I love that feeling of smiling because You are not just in my life you are my life because i am yours bought by Your precious blood, the ultimate price. I love being Your servant, here on this earth to do Your will. I love reading Your story and Your words because it brings me that much closer to You. I love kneeling on the floor before you singing because at that point I am nothing, a spec on the ground and You are Everything. I love sitting in the dark gym with Jess singing her heart out to You as I sit just talking to You and just crying out to You. I love knowing that You have a plan for me and my life. I love knowing that i can put my everything on You and trust in You and You will lead me to where I am supposed to be.

I adore You Lord.

Yours to do Your will,

Good Day I Think.

Im better!! Yipper skipper.

"Its just a little chest cold" now. [first one to name the movie im quoting gets a really big hug the next time i see them] I plan on going to school tomorrow, which will be awesome because i will be going to school on my favorite day of the week and ill only have three days of school left in the week!

Sad news...the apt is out of town this weekend. Whit is gone on a roadtrip to Wyoming, Jess is going to Boonetown, and Cat is going...well actually i dont know where she is going this weekend, i just know she isnt going to be here...i wonder where Princess Indie is going to be.

Maybe Hannah Grace can come over this weekend =] thats a happy thought.

Im listening to new music!! Dont you love that feeling?!?! The band is Slow Club. Its actually a pretty cool band...slightly odd but cool.

Cell Group tomorrow...GNO night Friday...maybe something enjoyable on Thursday [crossing my fingers]

Im in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and between the coughing im smiling. Good day I think.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sicky Speaking.

So I'm stressed, I get it already!!

Okay so background on me getting stressed. In my head i dont really feel stressed, i mean maybe a little stressed but not much. BUT in actuality I am completely and utterly you know why i know that?? Well when i get stressed my body almost starts to backfire on me, or just shut down. Which isnt really fun to say the least. My immune system isnt very good to begin with but then add stress and it goes berserk and i cant do anything about it...well other than trying to de-stress myself.

So let me inform you why I have come to find that i am stressed this particular week.

  1. I have this thing called Esophageal Spasms...which just means that when i try to eat, my esophagus muscles clench and will not let the food pass through into the hurts, bad! And I only get this when I am stressed...or thats what the doctor told me... I have had 2 Esophageal Spasms in the last week.
  2. Right now I am lying on my couch watching some stupid 12:00pm tv show feeling completely horrendous. Last night I woke up at like 4am and felt achy and cold and hot at the same time and my head was pounding and when i would swallow it felt like i was swallowing a knife. Lets just say i woke up sick with a fever.
seriously...i need to stop this being stressed thing, its becoming a nuisance.

Im going to eat my Campbell's chicken noodle soup just like when i was a kid.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Joyful Night

There are days like these that make me just a little happier...well maybe way happier.

Tonight I completely gave myself to the Lord's will. I gave my entire being to Him and i couldnt be happier! It was probably one of the best worships i have had in a long time. Its the kind of worship where you cant stop yourself from just moving because you are that excited and you biggest smile doesnt even touch the happiness you feel for Him and your hands cant get any higher and you just want to laugh while singing just because He is that amazing! Wow! It was great!

And a friendship that was kind of dwindling was definitely brought back to life and i am soo happy for that, i missed it!

and there is a perhaps, possibly, maybe, a chance that i could possibly maybe be having coffee with someone very special to me...but if it doesnt happen im okay with that, we will just wait on another time.


Friday, February 13, 2009

I Agree with Toon!

This day has gone by fabulously! I mean seriously! First period...we got to color;i love my teacher! Second friend Brooke and I realized we lived in the same neighborhood AND all we did the entire class period was goof off on the computers in the media center! haha. Third Period...well lets skip that period; it was Barbant [boring in french]. Fourth Period...i love my teacher! We had a quiz but still i just had fun talking with my teacher for most of the period!

And tonight Jessica is coming over to talk about The Project Concert [coming up on March 14th! COME!!]!

That is sooo weird! I just read over that sentence and i called Jess weird for me to do! Usually its...Jess or Jessie[or at least i try to call her Jessie, she doesnt like me doing it...oh well :) hehe.] But i almost never call her Jessica, unless i am talking about her or her band to someone that has never met her. Maybe ill call her Jessica tonight and see what she says...hehe i love experiments! haha

and tonight i get to take photos for Mr. Miller at North Raleigh Christian Academy's Senior Night! It will be a blast!

I am in a great mood!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Dear Spring and Summer of 2008

Do you remember?

  • When four days was too long for us to go without seeing each other.
  • When come and hang out tonight meant that you would spend the night because we would convince you that you were too tired to drive all the way down Falls or up 5 mins up to Wake Forest
  • When the Rays had the 1am rule : If it is after one stay where you are!
  • When the futon was my bed almost every night
  • When Stella met everyone.
  • When it was hard to say goodbye a night because we all had to go home.
  • When our house was always occupied by honorary Drummond Girls.
  • When my room was our room
  • When our room was filled with giggles in the dark
  • When sitting on the lawn of our friends house at night was the best part of our weeks.
  • When spring break was the start.
  • When a weekend at Jess' house was not at the apt.
  • When sleeping over with Catherine was in a room filled with Broadway stuff and chocolate covered strawberries
  • When the Taxi was in service
  • When staying out after 10 was a usual occurrence.
  • When staying out in downtown Wake Forest until 12 was the start of something.
  • When "Kirk" was spoken between giggles and Shane and Shane singing Carry Away.
  • When the first "Summery Day" was spent together at Mistletoe, playing home run derby on a golf course, and eating ribs with the families.
  • When late nights were spent together but not because there was the apt but because we just wanted to be together.
  • When Jess laid on my bed and couldnt tell me what she wanted to tell me cause all she could do was laugh cause i was smiling at her and in actuality she was going to tell me NRC Youth wanted me to come on as a techie!!
  • When we realized that Whit was the Platinum Wink and I had a Silver Tongue.
  • When GilGirls Nights were invented.
  • When...the first time i grabbed Jess' hand and asked her if i could talk to her.
  • When The Jess Videos were made.
  • When they realized it would be cool if they lived together.
  • When they got the Apt
  • When we stained chairs red and put our names on the bottom just for kicks.
  • When the beginning was the hanging of the flags.

I definitely am not saying I dont like the Apt...i love it. But i do miss some of these things. And I do know that some of these are never going to happen again unless they are scheduled...thats sad thought.

Those are some lovely memories,

Just a little Recap on the Week

Wow... Last night I stayed up a little late to spend some time with the Lord. The entire week I just have put it off because i was "too busy" or "too tired"...WHAT? Anyway, those 30 mins really changed my entire week around...i mean He is wonderful and that's that.

One just awkward thing that happened to me tonight was that for the 2 time in the span of 2 months i have gotten asked out on a date over facebook by two different creepers from my school that i have chosen to be nice to. Seriously i need to stop this "being nice" thing. Like really both of these guys I chose to talk to and i have been nice to and then they turn around and ask me out...but the weirdest thing is it was over facebook! Who in the world asks out a girl over facebook? Man it was just the awkwardest moment.

Well...that didnt put a damper on my night!

Today has been great,

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I need rest...from everything.

I am exhausted and I just want to fall asleep crying...but that cant happen because i have no sheets for about another 30 mins and I have homework that i completely forgot about.

This night had so much potential but now it has bombed completely.

Christ I need your strength tonight, because i barely have enough to type on this keyboard,

Oh Nancy...

So i go onto Nancy's blog today and i see i have been tagged in a fun little blogging game i guess you can call it. The rules are simple you just have to post the 4th photo in your 4th album...and since im pretty bored [ just sitting here waiting for my clothes to wash] i decided to participate.
So here it is....hahaha

This is a picture of Whit chopping pecans in this chopper thing and her face was hysterical!! Now thats a quality photo!

My Turn! I tag...Katie Smith and Daryl Monroe!

This was fun,

Live from Creative Writing II

So it is about 9:37am right now and my class and I are in the media center researching for our Historical Fiction Short Story. Mine is of course going to be on the 1700s and since i am literally obbessesed with that era, i dont really need to do any research other than reading a few Jane Austen books...mostly cause i want to! But I should at least do some reading now and have fun just hanging with my friend Brooke.

So have a lovely day everyone,

Monday, February 9, 2009

why don't i?

Im not good at admitting that I am not doing well. That meaning, if i am stressed or overwhelmed or just going through a rough patch in my spiritual life, I try to resolve it myself without asking for help. Which is so the wrong thing to do, i mean I cant do anything without God and He has put people in my life for a reason...why don't I go to them automatically?

I mean seriously, I just called my mentor/my friend/my shep/my teacher/my imaginary sister/my giggles / my choice of hug...anywho i called her tonight and literally as I told her about how i was REALLY feeling, a relief just washed over me and just knowing that she was there and she now shared in knowing what my emotions where at this particular time, it was great! I also am so glad that she saw that I was struggling even before I told her. She asked me straight up if i was okay and I lied. And even though I lied to her [wow that hurts me to say that i lied to her! Seriously knowing that I lied to her was literally eating me up inside.] she still was there for me and just talked to me...i mean it wasnt a long conversation, just heres whats going on and her response was well im praying and im here, at least that was the just of the conversation. and that was all i needed right there!

I want to go to her now! I really do!

God open my heart so that I might trust you harder!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

So many things and so little space.

There are so many things that want to break free from my mind!


It is 70 degrees here!! Oh my gosh it is amazing! I rode in a car with the windows down and summer music playing [ Sondre Lerche, Tracy Chapman, John Mayer, Imogen know the kind]. Then i went to the park in jeans with holes, t-shirt, and RAINBOWS [how much do you miss Rainbows?? Cause i do soo much!]. This weekend i had the privilege of taking two of the cutest kids to the park for an hour with the sis' roomies. This has been a fantastic weekend. From the sister and friends getting piercings to striking all the youth group equipment.

Today Jess asked me if i was OKAY, okay. And in that exact moment every bit of my being tightened up and told me to say i was fine. That is my automatic response, even if it is true. And it was true, i told her i was fine and i am...kinda. But it would have taken a lot longer than a car ride to explain the reason i am feeling "off" lately. Its really a mixture of school planning/feeling this crazy weird almost overwhelmed feeling/and being tired. And I was just quiet this weekend...just thinking about some things and being quiet stephie...which not a lot of people get to see, so Jessie was just checking which i loved and was thankful for. Even though i didnt answer completely true. Ugh, im an idiot sometimes. Ill talk to her later, maybe ill call her.

And another thing, Mrs. Ray is amazing! I got the chance to talk to her about my plans for the next couple of years and about the way God has been leading me and she was so great and encouraged much!! No wonder why her daughter is my mentor!

Lastly [ is that a word?], tonight i was setting up for youth group and so i went to get something from the big storage closet and i was walking back and i just had to stop for a few seconds and just watch. I mean it was awesome! Every Sunday for about 4 weeks at a time i get to hang out with geniuses for a couple hours and learn and work with them and i just get to hang out and then praise the righteous King!

I am blessed...thank you God!

Friday, February 6, 2009

A song purely from the heart.

Just take a minute and read these lyrics to a song by Jason Upton...wrote this on stage, he just started singing and this is what he sang.

Let faith arise, oh Lord, let faith arise
In the deepest parts of my being, oh Lord
In the most broken parts of me, oh Lord
Friends have failed me Lord, let my faith arise
Loved ones have failed me Lord, let my faith arise
Heroes have failed me Lord, let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
I say NO to the discouragement that keeps me down
I say NO to the things that keep me back from You
And this broken heart inside of me
Broken in so many pieces
By so many circumstances
I say NO to just letting it stay that way
Because I'm learning to trust that it's not You that hurt me
I'm learning to believe that it's not You that deserted me
I'm believing that You still love me
Brokenness and all
I'm believing that You've got a plan for me
I'm believing that You will restore me
I believe that You will awaken my soul
And let, let faith arise again, I believe
I believe like a little child again
I'm gonna dance in my trust in You, oh Lord
I'm gonna dance in my love for You, oh Lord
I'm gonna laugh again
I'm gonna cry again
I'm gonna have joy, joy on the inside
Circumstances around me try to pull me down
I'm going to believe in that faith again
'Cause You're my Creator
You're my Comfort
You're the One that will never desert me
So Daddy, I raise my hands up to You Lord
I raise my hands up to You, oh Lord
And I dance with my feet, I dance with my feet
And I say, come and, come and hold me Lord
'Cause I'm learning to trust You with the faith of a child
Trust You with the faith of a child
I can have joy again like a child
I'm not going to let it come down
I'm not going to let those bullets come down
Come down and hurt me no more
'Cause I'm raising up the Shield of Faith
And the Sword of the Lord
I'm believing on your Word Lord
I'm trusting in the Word that You said
And I'm waiting on You
Waiting on You
And I'm rejoicing in the fact that the Bible says
That You are my Victorious Warrior
You're the one that fights for me
I don't have to fight anymore
You're the one that fights for me, oh Lord
My faith is rising, my faith is rising, my faith is rising
I can see You again Lord.
I can see You on the horizon of my life, oh Lord
I can see Your Son, it's rising up, it's rising up, it's rising up
And I don't have to be discouraged anymore
And I don't have to fight this loneliness anymore
'Cause You're in my life, You're in my life more than anyone can ever be
Father we're building a relationship again, just me and You
We're building a relationship again, just me and You
It's not about the job I have
It's not about the friends I have
Its' not about the house I have or the social status I have
It's about me and You
We're building a relationship again, just me and You
You're building my faith up again

Let faith arise, oh Lord!


Thursday, February 5, 2009

What a Joy.

Today was pretty great. It was a normal day, no deviations from my usual. School was great...first period we had a substitute [ in Civics and Economics] which means that all we did was busy work. But im not opposed to busy work. I would take it any day over group work...something about group work i really dont like.

Anyway, 2nd period we learned we would be writing a script as a class for a skit the faculty of Wakefield High School would be putting on... and my favorite teacher, my Technical Theatre Teacher, is going to be in this skit! I am soo excited! And the rest of the class period was devoted to reading, which i am perfectly fine with.

In third period, i got to sleep. hehe. Im really bad about sleeping in class, I dont sleep in a class where i need to listen or anything like that, just the classes where i am acing and i know i dont have to listen for that period of time. But one great thing about third period is that lunch divides it into two other words we have like 45 mins of class and then we go to lunch for 45 mins and then we come back in class for 45 mins....its awesome. And not to mention that i have one of the best lunch tables ever! 5 of my best friends at school are in my lunch and they are such a blast to hang around! I laugh so hard i cry almost every day at lunch. We have the best 45s every day! Its spectacular.

And then in 4th period we read the book of Genesis in the PRE AP ENGLISH!! Isnt that awesome! I get to read the Bible in class! And then we discuss it and i love classes where you can get into a full out discussion that takes up the entire class period and all you do is debate your opinion about a reading or a statement! Its soo great! And my friend Abbey is in my class, and she is a joy [and a Christian, now that is refreshing!]

And after school i got to take a three hour nap which was completely needed! And now i am going to finish my readers response questions to the Legend of Gilgamesh which we just finished reading and i am going to watch a movie while falling asleep and get up tomorrow, go to school, get out of school early cause my family is leaving for the hometown tomorrow. And then i go downtown with my brother and sister and then to the apt for the weekend. Such great prospects dont you think?

OH and I got a call and an email from the Dean of Admissions for Elon University, and he is really looking into my transcripts and PSAT scores and wants to help me out with getting a better grasp on college and getting scholarships and grants and everything! And he seems really nice and I am soo stoked about this college thing...yipper skipper!

Thanks God,

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

This type of Night

I feel nothing. Its not a good nothing or a bad nothing...its just nothing.

Its just the type of night where all i want is to sit in a dark room and let worship music ring out throughout the room...just me, God, and those words running through my heart and mind. Its the type of night where all i want to do is cry but not because im sad, i just want that feeling after a good know the feeling where you are almost breathing fresh new crisp air. Its the type of night where all i want is to lie in bed, in the dark and think up stories and fairy tales because i did it as a child and i want to feel like a little girl again. Its the type of night where all i want to do is stand in the shower and let the water spray down my face and just breathe in the steam. Its the type of night where i want a hug from my sister because they make me smile every time. Its the type of night where all i want is to smile because i like the feeling on my face. Its the type of night where I wish Jess were here to sing me back to sleep when i wake from my nightmares crying. Its the type of night where all i want to do is talk non-stop to my friend, telling her everything and i mean holding nothing back just because i need that. Its a night where Christ consumes every bit of me and points out everything that I am doing wrong but then reminds me that He is there and takes all of those burdens off of my back.

Its the type of night that makes me overjoyed and sad at the same exact moment.

Sleep seems like such a good idea right now,

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

There is no better Happy Birthday Song

I do wish Nancy was with us on that lovely night!

I love mush!

Yes...they are just that cool!

Okay so my birthday was like a month and a half ago but my veryy lovely good friend Anna just uploaded a most perfect video of my birthday. And seriously if there was one moment i would want on film it would be that one!

This one moment is of three girls, with possibly three of the prettiest voices i have ever heard, singing Happy Birthday to me! It was perfection!

I just remember standing there listening to them sing to me and trying to look in their eyes but it was almost to hard. It was almost like i could have cried if i looked into their eyes for a long enough time. I dont really know why...I guess it was the fact that they are some of the most amazing girls, some of the best in the world, and they were singing to ME! WHAT?!?! There is just something wrong with that picture! I cant even believe i can call them my friends, my mentors, my imaginary sisters! Like seriously all you have to do is look at them and you would know what i am talking about...they shine for Christ unlike anyone i have ever met and they are gorgeous and then if they open there mouths and sing or speak its just...spectacular!

Man i love Sam, Heather, and Jess!

Thank you God for putting these girls, these friends that i dont deserve,

Monday, February 2, 2009

Check Here for Overwhelmed.

hmm...lets see, what is making me completely overwhelmed and stressed right now?

In the next couple of weeks I have to completely decide on the courses that could potentially effect my schooling career for the next 6 years or so. Okay im kinda being dramatic but, kind of not. In the next month I will be choosing my classes for my Junior year of High School. Now to some that comes as an easy choice or they just dont think that much about it but thats just not me. There are so many things to consider.

Like take Duel-Enrollment for instance. Duel Enrollment is a program that lets you take classes at a college and get High School and College credit for those classes. I have to decide whether or not to do it in the first place...easy answer, yes. Now next question, When? Another easy answer...As soon as possible. Next question, What classes? Now this is the hard question because I would like to take all of my AP classes at Wake Tech and that is about 3 of my classes. But i still have to talk to my counselor about it and soon.

And now lets turn our attention to Early Graduation. At the rate I am going, I could graduate Wakefield High School in January of my Senior year. BUT! I also want to take AP Calculus in my senior year but that is a year long course! So now what? I either graduate early without the Calculus credit, which is an extra credit anyway, or I take it and my senior year and i will only have one main course for the entire year.

I dont know what to do! I just want someone to just sit me down and say this is what you are going to do.

And not to mention I am loading myself up on the AP Courses and im scared. I mean yes they are the next level in my learning pathway and if i dont do them i will just be staying at the same place i am now and i dont want that. But im also scared, its just, what if i dont do well in them and there is too much work, plus i will still have theatre so lets say there is a play going up in a week. That right there means i am pushing at least 84 hours that week at school...what time does that leave me to do homework and i will be in AP classes!

Oh i wish it to be my first day at school again,

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Ears Open

Like a little girl i sat on my church pew swinging my legs, listening to a girl speak of things my mind has only kinda of grasped. Every time this girl has spoken something has tugged at my heart and i cant seem to get her words out of my thoughts for weeks, months...wait i still havent gotten her words out of this head of mine.

Im a slightly girly-girl. I dont have a problem admitting to it. I dont like camping, i dont go on the annual youth backpacking trip, i would rather watch a movie than go on a walk...But. If God asked me to go, to go to a country with nothing but a river to wash in and a shack to live in...I would go. I am at a point in my life where I want nothing but to proclaim His name. I have been verbally beaten because of His name over and over again. I have been treated horrid because i shine. But I still run hard after Him. I want the world to know Him, i want them to hear His name. And if that takes me going to some far off distance place in this world...i will go. I want to be that girl at those gates that are taller than the farthest point she can see and thick enough that she cant knock on, but still she screams His name. I would go even if that meant leaving my family, my sister, my mentor, my friends, my dog, my home. And oh gosh would i miss them but if He calls, i leave and follow.

And oh how i wish i was staying here at my house tonight because i want to speak of this to her. She is going to be here tonight and I will not and do wish to talk to her about this. I wanted to run up to her this morning and grab her and hug her and tell her all of this, but i didnt. I guess it will have to wait.

Listening for His call,