Friday, August 29, 2008

What fond memories,

Have you ever heard a song on the radio or just randomly heard a song and it just reminded you of one particular moment of your life, i love those times

  • Carry Away by Shane & Shane : Senior High Beach Retreat 08 12:00am Battleship Tournament ( "kirk")

  • I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry : Joke with Catherine cause she hates it! haha

  • Girls Just wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper : Joke with Jess cause she doesn't like it.

  • Lucky by Jason Mraz : Weekend w/ Jess

  • Why Georgia by John Mayer : Senior High Beach Retreat 08; Jess was playing it on her guitar and that moment just stuck out to me for some reason

  • Room For Squares by John Mayer : The road trip to the Beach Week 08

  • Hearts of Servants by Shane & Shane : The Beach Weekend 08 Jess, Heather, Sam sang it out on the porch on a beautiful breezy beach day

  • I Am by Nichole Nordeman: Will and Nancy's Wedding... first time i ever cried at a wedding

  • Water From the Well by Acappella: Singing it with Whit, Dad, and Mr. Chauncey when i was 4 years old

  • Deep Way Down Deep by UNKNOWN : Whit singing at the top of her lungs on the way to Atlanta

  • Rely by Jessica Lyndon Ray Band: Ski Retreat 08 in the conference room the night we got there and after Dan speaking and worship time sitting with all the girls beside me and i in tears of Gods glory as we listened to Jess just play which turned out to be Rely.

  • Light on a Hill by Margot and The Nuclear So and So's: The first conversation i had with Jess

  • The Pee Song by Whitney Drummond: Camping with the family and whit had to go pee so she made up the pee song... haha

  • He'll Take Care of The Rest by Keith Green: The road trip back from Ski Retreat 08

  • You Put This Love In My Heart by Keith Green: My Childhood and introducing Jess to Keith Green in Charlotte on our way to the Hilton for some more fun.

  • That song about the yo yo that we got stuck in our heads at Planet Wisdom

  • Drops of Jupiter by Train: Road trip back from The Beach Weekend 08 5 girls singing at the top of their lungs and messing up lyrics!

  • Blessed by Brett Dennen: The Hilton Channel, watching it with Whit and Jess in our room on that sweet huge tv

Okay now i have to go get some shleep,


Thursday, August 28, 2008

Enough Said...

Outside, rain pouring roughly to the ground, playing songs on the guitar, singing with the brother, back of a van, night, eating homemade Oreo ice cream...fantasticalness.

with numb fingers i type,


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Sheesh i love this feeling,

I am so happy! Like a happiness even i cant explain! I just want to smile all the time and spread my happiness and laugh and have a great time all day long. I want to make the best out of everything and not complain about anything. I am in my first week of school i am supposed to, directed by teen law, be completely depressed that i have to go back to school but it isn't like that for me this year. This year everything is a blessing and is so much fun. Why should i look at anything God has given me with disgust? That is a horrid offense that shouldn't be forgiven, but he is Christ Jesus our Lord and he forgives. Wow, i love being this happy, i love being this close to my Lord and Savior. You know i am huge on lists so here i go... all i want to do right now at this moment is; laugh, smile uncontrollably, hug real tight cause i can, love, scream "God is my Victory" and " All of my life in every season You are still God I have a reason to sing I have a reason to worship", and now i have to go to bed cause i am already 30 min past my bedtime...i don't think i will be able to fall asleep i am so happy.

my happiness provided by One,


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

And it is only the second day...

So wow, i love high school. Its uncontrollable, i just do. There is just something about it that fascinates me. Today i sat in 4th period Algebra II, about 20 mins until the bell would ring telling us it was time to leave, and i just thought as was trying to finish up my last few equations, i love doing this. I love learning, understanding, walking the halls, running up to the third floor from the first trying to get to class before my five mins are up, sitting at a desk, taking notes (i love notes by the way), listening to the teacher, waving to a friend as we walk past in the hall, responsibilities, being organized, assigned seats, laughing at lunch, raising my hand, campus, teachers, seeing someone i have never seen before every day, swivel seats, binders, homework, classwork, standing right outside of the school right before the first warning bell rings and looking at all the happenings that surrounds me, the sounds, walking on the black stage of the theatre, being back in the shop of the theatre, walking above everyone on the catwalk, things that are starting to fill my calender, planners, working after school on props for the upcoming play/musical/dance recital, hall passes, pink schedules, advisory, bells, lockers, combinations, forms, full backpacks, name cards, sitting in alphabetical order with Mr. Orsett's class, doing the wave in the middle of class, conversations with teachers, discussions, french names, Savage, daydreaming during class, acting out skits of Lab Safety, making stupid list like this in my head during school hours, getting a seat on the pink couch, seeing memories from last year, 1000 freshmen, roll call, pens, SCHOOL!

I am determined to have a fantastical year and nothing less!


Sunday, August 24, 2008

Stupendous Night

What a lovely night.  You wanna know why there is a smile displayed on my face? I just got to hang out and laugh uncontrollably with a great group of people. Smiling, again, has to be one of my favorite things in the world. I love it. Tonight i couldn't smile enough. And I love seeing my friends smile cause i know they are happy and seeing the people i love happy is one of the best feelings in the world. I wish every moment of everyday was spent being as happy and carefree as it was tonight. I go back to school in a day and even though i have that on my mind tonight let me forget all about the things to do and the worries that school brings along.

Another rejoice tonight is that all this week i have been going to the Lord, i have been  trying to see what He wants of me this school year. I want to honor and glorify Him in everything i do in this new year but i need His help every step of the way. So this week was all about finding my place in that wonderful path He is leading me on. All week He lead me to new places in our relationship, it was so great. I feel like i am stepping into my 10th grade year fully prepared and ready to be bold for Him

Ending the night with  a Macbook on my lap, a guitar resting beside me, and music playing throughout the quiet room. 


Saturday, August 23, 2008


Happy Birthday Jess! I just want to say i love her right now because i look up to her so much its unbelievable. cause whenever i talk to her i am happy and she makes everything bad i am feeling just float away. cause she is my teacher. cause she is my friend. cause she is SO cool. cause she is my mentor. cause she is the musician and i am the fan. cause she is my make believe sister. cause she giggles. cause she has the best hugs. cause she is one person i would be okay to shnuggle with (and there aren't that many). cause when we try to talk serious we end up laughing (mostly its my fault because i smile at her, hehe). cause i could mess up and she would forgive me. cause she has the best taste in music. cause she is my shepherd. cause she believes in me. cause she was one of the main people that brought my heart solely to the LORD(and she might not know that). cause she speaks for me. cause she is my sister's best friend. cause she is 5 years older than i. cause the sound of her singing makes me want to cry and smile at the same time. cause she has plans for her life. cause her passion for Christ is enormous. cause she makes mistakes. cause she gives me hope that dreams do come true. cause she has a picture of me in her car (That if it were up to me wouldn't be there). cause she trusts me. cause it amazes me that we have only known each other for about 2 years. cause she makes me laugh when i shouldn't. cause sometimes when i am around her i am an idiot but it is fun. cause when we talk she is completely serious and focused on me. cause she waited to tell me about Darlene Zschech when we were alone. cause she thinks i can really become whatever i want. cause she knows. cause if i break down and cry in her arms she would hold me and help me get to my feet again. cause when i told her she took it in stride. cause she can take my sarcastic nature. cause she is there for me. cause she is just herself and no one else.cause she is one of the most beautiful people i have ever met not only because she is pretty on the outside but the Spirit lives within her and shines out of that big (non-horse like)smile of hers. cause she has dreams. cause even though she is all of these to me i am still nervous to talk to her openly (I've never been good at it). cause when i was alone she sat with me. cause one of her smiles can make me smile for hours. cause when i did something as simple as wrap a cord she was intensely proud. cause she means so much to me.

Jess - if you do read this, on your 20th birthday i want you to know that you have had an amazingly big impact on my life and I am completely grateful for that, Thank you for being a part of my life.

And she might not even see this, which i am perfectly fine with. Actually if she does read this the probability of me avoiding her for a while is pretty high, just cause i get real embarrassed about this sort of thing.


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Time is ticking away

The summer is over. That statement just made me completely sad. To think back to the beginning of the summer, it really truly feels like a week ago. I remember the weekend before i got out of school thinking to myself how happy i was going to be when i was free from all the worries of school. That Sunday night before my last day of school, was so much fun and i just thought the entire night, if this is what summer is going to be like i am going to have an amazing summer. But you know, i think my Spring was better than my Summer. I remember just everyday feeling like i had a great day and i had stuff to look forward to and it was just fun. I think the Spring of 2008 will be one of the best times of my life.

So this weekend is my last weekend before school starts and my last weekend spending time with my sister in OUR house possibly forever. Next weekend she is out of town and then the weekend after that she is going to be moving out. There are so many things running through my mind right now; I'm scared, i want to talk to someone in particular, school=sooner than my mind can grasp, sadness, excited for tomorrow, excited for Saturday, excited for Sunday, dreading Monday, i want to cry in someones arms, i don't want to disappoint, i want to smile all weekend, i want to continue something for a long time, i want my friend's birthday to be perfect and for her to be extraordinarily happy, i want my plans for tomorrow to really happen, i am dreading 2 weeks from now exactly,i need conformation, i don't want this song to end, i cant wait until Sunday night to be here, i don't want to be nervous when i go up to someone on Sunday, i want to please (but i shouldn't), i want God to flatten me right now cause i need Him, i want God to shine through me everyday at that massive school of mine, i want to be someone the jh girls can look up too (am i?), i dont want people to ask where i got my clothes i want them to ask why i am different, i want thank God for putting some people in my life,

im wondering why i want to be anything but God's servant.


Monday, August 18, 2008

Laughter and A little message

Laughter is amazing! I just had one of the best laughs in a long time! I was in pain i was laughing so hard. I think we were just in a giggly mood tonight and me being thrown off the bed didn't help much. That's all i really had to say is that i love laughing and i am so glad God gave us such a simple thing a laughter.

Catherine - I promise you that i am not going to get into any relationship with any boy anytime soon, so you don't have anything to worry about. The heart is a fragile thing and i don't want mine to get injured. If there is one thing i know it is to be careful and that is what i am doing. I made a decision a while ago and i intend to keep to that. And good gracious i feel more for the guy that i do decide to date in the future, cause he will have a ton of people to deal with, and one of them being you.

with my heart only belonging to the One,

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Gift and passion given by Him

I absolutely love working with cables, cords, stands, microphones, lights, and anything else to do with technical stuff. It is so much fun, i don't think anyone even knows how much i love it. I cant even describe the feeling of it. I work with this kind of stuff in three places. Number one is my school, which is awesome cause i get to work with my friends at school and it is so laid back and fun, not to mention the teacher is amazing. Number two is NRACT, a theatre near where i live, where i get to work with one of the funniest guys i know and a great friend of mine. And number three is my church, which is the most fun of them all. I hang out with some of my favorite people and i get to do what i love most and get to listen to the worship band practice after i am done with my duties.

Tonight was my turn working at my church for the Kick Off. At this I... worked, played, laughed, learned, said first hellos, said goodbyes, felt pure happiness, got picked on, sat by best friends, sang the loudest and hardest i could possibly sing, missed my parents, got to nervous to speak privately with someone, figured out something about myself, won a game, lost a game, smiled cause at that moment i couldn't be happier, and praised the Lord most high.

with hopes of the Sunday Nites to come,


How many times can i scream Thank You Lord?

My weekend has been full of excitement, happiness, disappointment, and a lot of fun. First of all the Gilmore Girls night or as we like to call it The GilGirls Night. Six girls, one boy, take out Pei Wei, Papa John's pizza, Coca-Cola Classic, and our favorite Gilmore Girls episodes. All of that combined to become a grand night of stuffing our faces and laughing uncontrollably. Then after that fun watching Phelps win his 7th gold metal and the shock that he actually won it. Sing Star was next, the battle of voices to cheesy songs. And a big spend-the-nightie after all the fun had worn our tired eyes. Secondly has to be today or this morning really. It was amazing to see my church cry out together for God to come and fill our hearts fully. Tears in eyes and hands raised to praise Him were the last moments in the service. I don't think i have ever seen that many people at the alter of our church, it was spectacular. An all around great morning, not to mention a best friend in tears of how the Spirit had impacted her this morning. PRAISE BE TO THE LORD MOST HIGH!

ending on that note,

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I hope it is as good as the last

My year: sister moving out, the "big" school, honors classes, fun classes, loads of homework, getting taught things more than school related, helping brother with college, my own room, new friends, late nights and early mornings, smiles (always), musicals, plays, sound booths, light booths, laughter, happiness, sadness, volunteer hours, new music, Sunday Nites, 4pm on Sundays (starting this Sunday), spend the nighties, hugs, hellos, goodbyes, pictures taken (LOTS), 10th gradeness, schedules, curfews, truvytherockettaxi without the taxi, half the clothes, half the movies, double the space, more family fights, more praise to the LORD most high, decisions to be made, questions, answers, film festivals, holidays, sweet sixteen, spreading Christ's love throughout Wakefield, tech work, wonderful weekends, LONG phone calls, cell phone, drivers license, youth events and trips, shnuggling, after school fun, writing, and more.

Just a little prediction of my school year.


Once upon a times and happily ever afters

Why cant life be simple? You know, like in those fairy tales we are told as a kid. Sometimes i think my once upon a time wont have a happily ever after. Then i remember, if i have Christ on my side, i will always have a happily ever after. My end will just be the beginning of a wonderful eternity of praise and worship.

I once had a dream when i was little, i don't know around five or six years old. My dream was in heaven or what i thought was heaven and i was with my little brother. We were dancing and laughing with angels and everything was so bright and happy. And i remember in my dream knowing that God was right there with us although i never saw Him in my dream , but i remember in knowing that He was near to me and smiling down on me, i was safe and the happiest i had ever been.

Now whenever i feel alone or scared i remember that God is right there with me and sometimes i get that same feeling as if i were in my dream again.

Waiting for my true eternal happily ever after,


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Surprise! Its here

Oh the summer is ending and with that comes my prison chamber called school. I have a very much love/hate relationship with school.

I just adore school sometimes. I am going into the tenth grade, wow i feel old. And i know that's when upper class men laugh or college students say I'm only beginning but to me i am in high school, that's big for me. The feeling of walking down a large hallway filled with hundreds of teens with a load of books in my back pack and even more things to be done that fill my head, makes me feel old. High school is a wonderful thing for me. I have talked about how i am a big memory experience kind of person so high school is an experience that i want to take in and remember forever. Any chance i get i want to make my high school years count. I love to be in my high school, after the hustle and bustle of the hours of learning and just walk down a silent hall and just think to myself that I am a high school student. High school just seems so much more important than any of my other grades in the past. I am such a nerd that I rejoice when i have a big report or project. And it is also that I like things that i do well and school is something that i have always excelled in so, high school is just more of that work that i do well so its fun for me. I have friends in school, sure, but really if i lost all of my friends i think i would be fine. Mostly cause i have the one friend I need by my side at all times, Christ Jesus my LORD/Emmanuel "God with us". In this coming year all I want to do is shine for Him, everyday, on my high school campus. I don't want to be anything but a servant for Him.

There are definite things about school that nag at any student. Mine include the curfew, i have a bit of a problem with that one. Its not like i am out partying at some unsupervised house or anything major like that, i just get lost up in spending time with some of the people i love the most, my friends from church. Not to mention my brain has no concept of time, it likes to stay up late even if i am home alone in my room staring up at my ceiling trying to fall asleep. Then there is the idea that school has to be spread into 9 months, sheesh. And having classes that last about 2 hours each, okay a teens attention span is only about 20 mins what about the other 1 hour and 40 mins?
Okay The Week is the week right before school starts, which is closing in on me at 100 miles per hour. But anywho, this one week out of the year I take a few hours out of everyday (or I try to at least) to spend time alone with God, praying for what He would wish for me this upcoming school year. Last year He brought me to Philippians, which the entire year was filled with things that brought me back to Philippians. But please be praying for me in this next week.

slamming on the brakes and trying to grab onto the days that are flying past me

Monday, August 11, 2008

The truth behind my smile

I seem like i have it all together right? Well the real truth is that i could crumble at any moment. There is this feeling that comes over me a couple days before there is a real big cry. Sometimes it is with people and sometimes i am alone in my room, but it is coming. There are just a few things in my life that are piling up on me. I don't sleep, one reason in particular but that isn't helping. I keep telling myself i need to keep it together, its just better that way. Don't get me wrong, the rest of my life is going wonderful. It is just these few things that are getting me down. I would talk about it to someone but I hate complaining about this kind of stuff and it just never seems to be the right moment. I just feel like if i give one more hug I could just fall and cry and I don't want to do that, i cant do that, I wont let myself do that! I feel like I'm failing when i cry cause I should be strong and composed all the time and you how i feel about failing. But all my hope is set in one the One.

Hanging onto His promises,


Friday, August 8, 2008

Theatre and Rating

I love theatre. Around middle school I started to like all the plays and musicals, i was even in a few myself. My drama teacher taught me all about theatre and that's when i began to love it. In the sixth grade there was a drama club at my school that my old drama teacher was teaching so i auditioned and got in. It was so much fun, i was in with all of my friends and we had a blast. Then came the final production, which i was cast as the lead female role and one of my best friends was cast as the lead male role. I just remembering having so much fun and not caring about the crowd or what people thought of my acting, i just was there to do what i loved doing. I haven't done any acting since that night. If you ask me why, i wont have an answer for you. I just don't don't have that passion that i had when i was younger. But with the loss of that passion came a passion that burns brightly within me today. The passion to work behind the scenes, lighting and tech work that kind of thing. I volunteer at a local theatre doing those types of odds and ends and I have a blast everyday. The thrill of opening night right before the curtains part is one of the best feelings. Its a mix of nervous excitement and happiness that all this work has led up to this one night. I love it.

On another subject I had a wonderful day today. It started out at the theatre and ended in a living room with a bunch of friends watching Mr. Bean. Tonight for a friend's birthday we all went out to dinner at Cheesecake Factory, it was magnificent. The food was great and the company was even better.

I am going to start rating my nights by smiles

so therefore,

based on my smile; my night was about a 9 1/2!

hoping for a ten tomorrow,


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Oh this day was excellent...

I have said this way to many times before, but seriously there is nothing better than the feeling of a smile on your face! Have you ever been so happy that you can feel it shining out your eyes? That is the exact description of my feelings at this moment in the dawn of the night. I cant help but have my lips curl in an upward position. All day, one thing after the other, my smile just kept getting wider and wider. First it was my first day working at a theatre as a techie, not to mention working in the same building/room with a great friend of mine. If work is this much fun when i am an adult then seriously i am going to love being older. Then my friend was over all day, which was a blast. The smile just keeps growing. Later in the day, I talked to another friend of mine and she ended up coming over for dinner. It was fantastic, we just hung out and ate. After dinner was finished we went on a hunt. A hunt for the DVD/CD combo of all combos. Hillsong's This is Our God CD/DVD released in the US of A today August 5, 2008. I have been waiting for this day for months! So 2 stores later we were victorious and then to Cook Out to rejoice our win. When we got home we invited some of my closest friends over to watch the unveiled DVD. We sat in awe and wonder as God's name was proclaimed in a place of thousands. My eyes on the verge of raining tears onto my untainted cheeks with every word sung through out the raised hands and crying voices. God's presence was so clearly shown in every voice that sung out to Him. It was incredible. Smiles was plastered on all the faces that had watched the video, when it had come to an end. I didn't think the night was going to get any better, but God is amazing isn't He? I sat in my room with Giggles ( you remember her right? If not read some of the Beach Week 08) and she told me she had something to talk to me about. When she mentioned this I had one specific thought that passed through my mind but because i didn't want to jinks it i quickly brushed it away. She, along with all the other youth leaders at my church, want me to help out with the tech side of youth group. This is were my smile just set a new record. I am completely stoked about this, i don't think anyone has any idea. Like whoa, I know it is going to be a lot of work, along with my duties with the theatre and with school, but i am wholeheartedly jumping aboard this train. This is what I want to be doing with my life, without hesitation. There are two things that are huge in my life.

1.) Becoming a techie with some big christian youth conference

2.) Releasing my life fully everyday for Christ and praise Him for every blessing He has bestowed upon me

I want to worship the LORD the rest of my life and beyond. There is this feeling that comes over me every time I worship that is nothing like any other feeling that i have ever experienced. There is a member of Hillsong that said when she worshiped it was like God flattened her. I love that description because it is really what happens. There are times when i just want to sing at the top of my lungs proclaiming Him and I want to cry and i want to just crumble for Him. I sit here listening to Brook Fraser and Darlene Zschech, in the dark of the night outside on my back porch and I don't want to go to sleep because all I want to do all night is praise with a smile on my face,

the one who smiles.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Uncontrolably Happy

Okay I cant stop writing tonight, I am just so happy. I am smiling at no one because no one is up, I am listening to music, Sunday Nites starts back next week, I got to spend the weekend with my friends, I have a plan for tomorrow, I have a plan for next weekend, I have a Coca-Cola Classic sitting in front of me, I just spent time with the LORD, my sister and I got to talk in length today, I took a nap today (which is a big deal for me. I never take naps), I am wearing a new shirt, my room is full of beds and memories of this weekend, i have a story/reenactment to look forward to, I have a phone call to get nervous about, I have a Coca-Cola phone sitting beside me, I have a calender full of past and future events, I have a book to finish by the end of the summer (which is nearing), I had a bow in my hair today ( I felt little again, and i loved it), I saw all of my friends smile today, i heard my dad sing this morning, Heather was on our side of the church this morning and it didn't tip over (the Rays had enough coolness to level it out), I watched my favorite movie today, i ate so much i was in pain this afternoon, I get to help with the band's equipment after youth group again (you don't even know how happy that statement just made me), I only have 9 more months with metal glued to my teeth, I get my own room in a month, there are a few people in my life that I owe a lot of my faith in Christ and i get to see them multiple times in a week, I have friends that i don't even deserve to wave at let alone have almost daily conversations with, I am too young and too old for my age, i get to pray and worship a God that is loving and faithful, God allows my small ears to hear and enjoy music, He allowed me to sit in a stairwell and hear my friend praise Him and in those moments where i was alone with Him I came running back to Him from a few days of trying to push Him away (and if my friend read this sorry I was secretly listening to you), my youth group and I are so lucky to have shepherds that have 4 1/2 hour meetings for us, I got to hear a true love story this weekend, i get to live in a free country while others have to live in fear of censoring themselves, I am a daughter a sister a friend a grand daughter a niece a cousin a student a photographer a blogger a laugher a crier a smiler a writer a reader a style a listener a praiser a watcher an analyzer a hugger a complementer a teacher a nerd a techie an idiot a college bound an oxymoron a human, I am nothing without Him.


Sunday, August 3, 2008

Capturing Memories

I am so blessed to have a huge memory. I am a big memory, experience kind of person. I love making memories that i will remember forever and laughing at them for years to come. Some say that I take too many pictures but I love capturing memories so that i can look at them and remember exactly what we were doing at that moment. Candid photos are even better because they show you really what was happening and they are just fun to take. Right now i am uploading pictures off of my camera and looking over these photos just make me smile. Seeing candid smiles on my friends faces brings joy to my heart, cause i know they were having a good time and i love to see my friends happy. Sometimes i wish my eyes were cameras so that whenever i wanted to record a moment i could just blink and it would be a picture forever stored away. Even though i always have my camera on my person, i just would love to take endless film and photographs of the times that i love with my friends and family. I can also take credit in doing this but people always want to see the picture after it is taken to see how they look in it. But the pictures i take aren't about if you look wonderful or not because these pictures are about the times together. There is a song about about how we should stop thinking about how we look and seeing that God made us beautiful in every way and how beautiful we would all be if we all stopped thinking about it. The song is perfect, it explains our human nature and i love it.

"How beautiful we could all be if we just stopped trying,"