Friday, January 29, 2010

The District Ski Retreat '10... or not.

Our 3rd North Ridge Youth event was cancelled.

After 2 hours of driving, one hour of that in the snow, we had to turn around and come home. All of this while part of our leadership (our Sheps and Make-Believe Sheps) were stuck at the retreat center.

I am sitting on my bed... and the snow is still pouring and will continue to pour until about 8pm tomorrow and possibly later than that! But there is one part about tonight that is making me super sad....I wasnt too sad about the cancelation just because i saw it coming but I just got hit with the fact that both my best friend and sister are stuck up on the mountain and I am stuck down here. That makes me incredibly sad cause I was so looking forward to this weekend and now there is no Retreat and no BFF (yes Jess Ray I just called you my BFF... dont get used to it! ha) and NO Sister! I am happy about the Snow Day but it just wont be the same without Whitta. I havent had a Snow Day without her since my age was in the single digits! Its gunna be a boring three days.

My only friend by my side... Indie!!

Lord what is Your plan for our Youth Group? Clarify Your will for us Father!


Monday, January 25, 2010

Joy in the dead of the Winter.

Tonight I find myself in my favorite summer retreat... on my back porch enjoying the weather. Ha.

Irony: Its winter.
BUT hey it's North Carolina... so you can't really depend on it being cold. ha.

Today was the first day of Missions Conference at my church, North Ridge Church (CMA), and I just adored it! What I did this weekend was exactly what I want to do with my entire life!! We spent two days setting up a huge stage and incredible layout for the Missions service in the gym! Two days of cords, mics, instruments, sound(and its aggravations), laughter, fellowship, perfecting my perfectionist tendencies, learning sooo much more, becoming bold in my ear and its abilities, spending sweet time with friends, Serving!, Worshiping!... I love this kind of stuff!! Sheesh! I love it!

Praise God because His mercies are indescribable!

After all of that setting up it all came down to two events... one morning and one evening service. They were both insanely awesome! For me they were at least! I just get so much pleasure at being at that church and praising the Lord with those adorable people! I just can't get over it!

But now I am going to go to sleep so I can use this school-free day tomorrow to my advantage! ha.

Holy Spirit thank You for Your joy!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here.

There is something so intriguing about the Spirit of the Living God.

He is always around but we seem to devise a false fact that He is only around at youth retreats, spiritual conferences and "good" worship nights. Why do we look past His signals and signs that shines brightly on our faces?

I do not understand Him. The Lord has called us to live in the Spirit... Therefore I must. I long to understand His ways but this earth screams at me and tells me that His ways are too this or too that! Even some forms of the Church... the house of the Lord... strives to keep His ways out! I do not wish to do so!

I want to read the Bible take it literally! I want to read what the Lord says and asks and then I want to be able to do... not to hold back to fulfill partially... but to DO!

As my heart and longing grows for knowledge of the Spirit also the struggle and battle of the enemy increases. As I search for the Spirit the enemy is strong at work to cause confusion and doubt within me. I am pressing through the evil one's ploys and schemes but they take a toll on my heart. There is only one cure and that is the Lord. He is my comfort and strength.

I constantly find the enemy deceiving my thoughts by the closure of my mouth. He knows that one of the most powerful ways to convey the Spirit and His power, along with action, is speech. He spits out lies upon lies that the things I have been experiencing with the Lord are unworthy of speech. That what the Holy Spirit is doing in my life is too minuscule for anyone to care. When I try to speak, fear grips my heart and my words are silent. I hate it. I hate that I have been conned into this lie. I hate that I cannot find my way out of it because I sometimes still believe it. Even as I write this the evil one is heavy on my shoulders and is whispering continual lies into my ears. Right now he is hammering the feeling of disappointment into my thoughts. He is telling me that I should feel disappointed in myself for not even going to the one person on earth I confide everything in. The one person that is most stoked about the Spirit's work right now and I have not even told her the work in me except for a few measly text messages. I know these lies to be wretched and deceitful and yet I hear them. Wow Satan sure knows your weaknesses and he goes right for the cheap shots.
These battles are strong... Father, fight for me. I call out to your immovable power!

I want the Spirit to destroy these fears and doubts. I know He can! I don't want to come down from that mountaintop! I want to live it and use it for The Holy and worthy Father's glory!

Holy Spirit create in me a dwelling place... fight for me,

Monday, January 18, 2010

65 degrees and Fearing

Today is a perfect day.

The weather is a lovely 65 degrees.
My windows are open to the soft wind.
My speakers are streaming beautiful melodies.

But today all I can think upon are my friends that are going to Thailand in 4 days. They are going to witness first hand what the Sex Slave Trade is doing to girls lives in Thailand. All I can think upon is the pain that they are going to have to witness. I know that it is for the Lord's glory and Will that they are going to see this pain causing sight. I can't help but ache within for them.

I want to be rejoicing in the fact that I am seeing the Lord's call on their lives! I want to be ecstatic that they are carrying the Lord's news to the other side of the world...

I AM. This the end of my fears. I am no longer going to fear for them...
I am going to fight for them in prayer.

Worthy God, I believe that You will protect them. Protect them in the physical and their weakness of heart. I believe that You can bring Your Name across the seas. I believe that You will be their stronghold and keep them mighty in Your Will.
To You be the glory,

I AM praising the Lord for the girls and their ministry in Lifted!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


There is a difference inside of me! I can feel it rising up! The Holy Spirit has torn through my barriers that I have built up over the years!


I have let go of my fear and my doubt! I have let go of unbelief!


The Spirit now directs my feet and puts sound on my lips. A New Heart has been formed within me and I have no choice but to fall upon my knees and thank the faithful Living God! His mercies are new everyday!

My father loves me!
"We are never the same after we encounter the love of God!" -Kim Walker

Thank you Jesus, Thank you Savior!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Thank You Jesus. Thank You Savior.

Youth Group was overwhelming last night...
Nope let me rephrase that...
The Holy Spirit was overwhelming last night!
He was so evident that my only response was to literally fall on my knees and shout out praise and thanks to our Savior! I adore when the Holy Spirit takes over and controls my voice and actions. Without Him I would not have been able to be so bold in Him! Without Him I cannot Praise Him!!!! haha. How awesome is that! Without the Holy Spirit living and working within me, I am unable to praise the Lord to the fullest! ha.
I adored seeing friends and sisters/brothers in Christ kneeling before Him in praise! Crying out for guidence and knowledge! They make me so happy!

Thank you Jesus, Thank You Savior!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

2010 Venting

The way I start off 2010
  • Im failing a class (this is the first time in my entire life!! Im freaking out)
  • I have yet to finish the homework that is due tomorrow... it is 10:30pm
  • I am in denial that school is back
  • I loathe theatre but its like a trap and I can't get out of it!
  • I get this wretched stomach ache when I think about school/theatre.
  • I am strongly disliking society for forcing earthly education upon me.
  • I dont want to be wasting my time by focusing and putting my time and effort into it when I could be using it for Christ's advancement!
  • I am sick and tired of lies being screamed at my face and out of my weakness I believe them.
  • I hate the moment when a friend asks: "How yah doin?" and I answer "fine/good" I hate lying.
  • I want to get out of this cage of unbelief and doubt in the power of the Trinity.
  • I want to fall and cry just so He can catch me on the way down because He is faithful when I am not.

I adore my friends because they get me through all of that crap even when they don't even know it.
  • I adore Whitney because she reads my thoughts and now carries around little peanuts and crackers for whenever I have a low blood sugar spell.
  • I adore Catherine because she never fails to remind me that I am her Mei Mei and I know she will always be right next to me if I ever need her!
  • I adore Jessie because our hugs are perfect together... she goes up and I go down... and because she gives me super Perfect hugs and says: "I love you, just to let you know."
  • I adore the Sr. High girls because they are ALL my best friends and they can make me smile at any time even when I am down.
  • I adore the Jr. High girls because they are so cute and I see longing for more in their eyes.
Fight for me God,
Fight for me Holy Spirit,
Fight for me Jesus Christ my Lord,