Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Writing a Letter of Urgency


Hello old friend. I've been thinking about you for the past few weeks. I want to see you so badly! I was thinking of all the memories that you held last year and it just made me smile. I remember waking up to mornings at the condo at the beach. Oh how i loved those days...waking to the sound of mom and dad cooking a big breakfast, knowing that the entire day was going to be devoted to browning my skin, having as much fun as possible, and making the days endless. I remember sitting in the back lawn of Jessie's beach house watching Finding Neverland with some of the best girls in the world. I remember staying up till the wee hours of the night with the worlds best friends at my house. I remember one morning when Whit, Cat and I were waking up from one of those nights and Jess walked in through the door expecting us to be asleep so that she could wake us up. But because we were awake she couldn't but then we made her go back outside and then we all pretended to be asleep so she could come and jump on us. I remember when i spent an entire weekend with Jess at her house. I remember seeing Heather for the first time since her return at Will and Nancy's wedding. I remember Will and Nancy's wedding and having a blast. I remember hugging Jess so hard that night because we both knew i wasnt going to see her for a while because she was going to Kosova for 2 weeks. I remember the Jess Videos. I remember the Vandalism of Jo. I remember staining chairs with Jess for an entire weekend. I remember when they moved in together. Oh summer i dearly wish you would hurry up and get here! 


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Oh So Thats Why I Love Theatre!

Tonight was soooo great! I dont think you can even understand unless you were a part of the cast or crew of this show! It was simply amazing! All of our cues were perfect, the set chances were quite amazing if i do say so myself, the energy was high, and it was just great! Ahh i wish that i could have the feeling I had when that curtain closed all the time! We rocked it and it was fantastic and I am so proud of everyone involved! Oh man I need to calm myself and get some of that much needed rest!

But that can wait...afterward was awesome too! My friend came and saw the show, which was great because I actually got to hang out with him after! Actually it was 5 of us and we stood/sat out in the parking lot of my school and just talked for 2 hours. Those moments are some of the best in my personal opinion! Just friends and an endless night!

Tonight was fantastic! And as our director said... "tonight was FIERCE!" haha.
Happy Stephie!

Friday, April 24, 2009

A Break for the Restless

I love breaks!

Today I got a break from the hustle and bustle of the theatre business. I to go home after school today. I entered my house in daylight hours! I havent seen my house in the daylight in over a week! 

It is such a beautiful day too! It is a lovely 88 degrees outside and there is a slight i cant get over it! I am sitting in my basement with the windows open and music blaring with a macbook on my lap! I love it! 

Tonight is our second performance of the four we are showing. We had a good night tonight and as our director said "Yall were FABULOUS! One step away from Fierce!" So I think by Saturday we will have become "Fierce!" 

But I do miss everyone. I miss my cell group girls...when was the last time i missed two in a row? I miss the apt. I miss Whitney... i have barely even gotten to talk to her in the last week! I miss Catherine and Jess because usually we dont even go four days without seeing each other. I miss Indie...i havent seen that pup since last Sunday for only about two hours or so! I miss getting my homework done. I miss sleep!

Well, three more performances and one strike and then I am free! Ahh,

ps Anyone want to go to the beach next weekend? Because I do! 

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Opening Night Jitters

Tonight at 6:32 the house opened.
Tonight at 6:32 I got nervous.
Tonight at 7:05 people were still filing in.
Tonight at 7:08 "5 mins till places" was called throughout the studio.
Tonight at 7:18 the show began.
Tonight we messed up a scene but no one noticed
Tonight we made "Air Havana" perfect.
Tonight I got hit by a huge staircase as we curled our way around the stage...the show must go on
Tonight we turned "Havana Bedroom" into "The Tropicana" in one motion and no one noticed that we messed up!
Tonight we wore black and had masks.
Tonight we walked onto stage and bowed.
Tonight we squealed when the curtain closed.
Tonight we had our Opening Night
Tonight was "the first of many firsts"

Tonight was great!

Monday, April 20, 2009

My Porch Nights.

As of right now I am sitting out on my back porch. The upper half of my house is quiet and nothing stirs. The Lower half...well thats a different story involving brothers. Tonight it is cool outside, not too chilly just about right, enough that i can sit outside in sweatpants and a t-shirt and relish the quietness of this Spring and starry night. I sit here eating a steaming hot chicken pot pie, you know one of the do it yourselves type of things where you just place it in the microwave for 10 mins. And to cool off my burning palate i have a Mountain Dew...not my drink of choice but it will give me just enough energy to last the next few hours of homework I have ahead of me. The only sounds I hear are the sounds of the happy crickets singing their happy tunes in harmony to Samantha Whitfield's voice that pours from my speakers right now. There is only one reason i sit here tonight and that is to get away. To get away from the tremendous amounts of obligations i have to fulfill throughout the next 5 days of my life. To get away from time itself because it is stealing away my rest and grade point average. I sit here in this black iron chair and close my eyes and dream that Sam is sitting right next to me and it is a summer night and she it is just her and her guitar and she is singing to me and to the night. This is one of my favorite things to do, ever! I just sit outside and gaze upon the wonder that God has put within the fabric of my life and the lives around me. I listen to the most beautiful voices fill the silent night air and let the music literally take me to a place where only God and I are allowed, it's our special meeting place. We sit together and i pour out my heart and I worship Him. Some people might not understand but, music brings us together. I love it. It takes everything away and just brings me back to the basics...Christ.

Today was a rough one, I'll admit to that. Classes were, well, they were Monday classes. Tech started as soon as the final bell rung at 2:18pm. I looked the part of a techie...skinnny jeans, a big t-shirt [ that said ambassadors for Christ, which isnt the usual techie appearal But if they see Christ just through my shirt than I am for sure going to wear it], converses, hair pulled back into a pony tail with a headset attached to the top, cords that wrapped from the headset to the channel box that clipped to my side and ran through some of my belt loops so that I had room to move without tripping over cords, I had a set plot in my hand and a stressed browline. I was the stage manager with only 6 running crew positions filled and 6 more needed. About 4 people on a one channel headset all saying five different things and a cast that wouldnt shut up and do what they are told. A stage that was getting spiked and lights that were getting their respective cues. Getting yelled at by directors but not being able to fight back because it is "disrespectful" but oh how i wanted to tell them that they were wrong or just to defend myself or my crew. Then not being able to eat because there was no dinner break and I didnt have time to spend eating. Then staying after about an hour later because things needed to be done. It took 4 hours to run through Act 1 today...our show goes up in two days.

And this is why I am outside tonight...i need time.


The Week has officially begun. 
Let the games begin.


Saturday, April 18, 2009

My Day.

List of a busy Saturday:

  • Woke up in my bedroom on a saturday...havent done that in a while.
  • Worked on my massive amounts of homework at 8:00am!
  • Walked out my door to an amazingly beautiful day that i would miss because i would be inside all day.
  • Arrived at the theatre to be instantly whisked into props, set pieces, and lights [i love lights!]
  • But then I soon turned my Stage Managing duties over to Lexi my Co-Stage Manager and then became a full on lighting intern!
  • I along with a good friend Josh worked with a lighting designer we hired for our show that has done lighting design on The Little Mermaid! ahh! It was fantastic!
  • Ran around and climbed up to high places in dangerous positions to hang lights and focus them.
  • Got multiple compliments from Craig and Mr. Orsett! Which is like huge because Craig is like really good at what he does and to get a compliment from him is just fantastic and then to get a compliment from Orsett is amazing because he is our director and he does not give compliments! Ahh!
  • Stayed an hour later than planned because the lighting wasnt done and i wanted to learn more from Mr. Craig Stelzenmuller...or just Craig.
  • Found that converses, yet cool and techie-like, arent the best for standing for 7 hours!
  • Got home at like 6:15ish, threw off the shoes, and landed on my couch!
  • Now I am attempting to do some of my other homework...ahaha me + a computer= one distracted stephie!
Overall a good day even though I was at school on a Saturday.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sleep? Break? Anything?

I need rest. 

Its only been two days of full work...but thats still 14 hours a day at school and for most of it, working the entire time. Then coming home and doing homework and hopefully I can get to bed at a decent hour.

But I just can't see the end yet. 

Praying for strength, 

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Who are they?

Tonight I sit on my bed, drinking coke, and eating Salt & Vinegar chips [not my favorite but ill eat them] I sit here trying to finish my homework but is being completely distracted by a computer's lovely features. I am thinking to many other teens are sitting in there rooms at this exact time trying to do their homework? I am looking around my room to find many pictures of the past memories that have made me such a blessed person, i find shoes thrown about the room by this morning's decision of flats or converses[chucks, all stars, connies...etc], i see look at my desk to find college letters that have been continuously piling up, i see my antique suitcase filled with notebooks of the past and with that comes with the writings and diary entrees from a 3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,8th,9th grader, I see empty coke cans that have accumulated throughout the week, my eyes meet with my records of West Side Story and The Best of James Taylor...not to mention She & Him and Sound of Music, I wander over to my dogtags which shows how many theatre productions I have been involved in, I glance over at my bedside table to see my bible lit with the light of my lamp... how many teens are seeing some of the exact same things as they look around at there room at 9:43pm. I want to know about them...what are they doing? Who are they? What is going on in their lives? I want to care about them! Why not? Why not care about the teens? The society of people who are "in the middle"...not a little kid anymore but not an adult either. I mean I am one of them but i still want to care about the others. The ones I pass in the halls of high school or the ones i see when i drive down the road. Christ sees...why dont we? Look...there are people around you that you might see everyday but you have no idea who they are...find out. Why not? What's the worst that could happen? Tomorrow I'll see, tomorrow I'll ask! Join me...find out who they are! 

Monday, April 13, 2009

Thoughts from one of the Saved.

His is alive. He lived. He died. He freed. He saved.

He is risen...He is risen indeed.

What a lovely feeling it is to know that my life has been freed and saved by the Christ that came and lived and died for my sake. That precious sacrifice that bought my life. I SHALL LIVE AND FOLLOW BY HIS WILL BECAUSE I AM OWN BY HIM! I am owned by the Lord on high...I am owned by the king...I am owned by a loving God. That is such a wonderful thought! He has control of my life because He owns it, I dont have to worry because HE HAS CONTROL!

My life is changed because of His sacrifice.

But on another note...and I hate even to put it in the same post but...I am going to be getting terribly busy in the next few weeks and right now mentally I am tired and worn. There are some things that I am "going through" I guess you can say...I am just in the process of making some decisions that will effect my entire life. They are things that have been pressing on my heart for a while now and I know that I have to really seek God and ask Him what He is really asking of me. And in the midst of all of these things that are going on within myself and with God, I am stage managing a show and not to mention I have to focus on the last quarter of school...which takes up all my time from 7am-8:30pm everyday and then on Saturdays 8am-10pm. Ah...I am overwhelmed!

Prayers would be greatly appreiated!


Thursday, April 9, 2009

Writings from the Past

Okay so when I was in 7th grade I started a book. Last year I thought i had lost the entire typed version. But just tonight I found it hidden in files within files. So I thought I would share the Prologue of sorts.

"Riding off into the vastness of the Montana mountains, feeling the wind blow across her wet visage. Her mare could sense her agony with every stride as they glided through the mountainous terrain. All she wanted to do was take back that day, everything she had done and said. No one ever knows how you are going to react to tragedy or hard times. In a split second everything in you life can change and you can only take it moment by moment. In this exact moment Amy realized that she had to choose. Even if that choice would mean giving up something or someone she loved. Let me go back a few months and tell you what has occurred that lead up to this painful episode."

So it's rough around the edges I know...I'm definitely not saying its the best thing i have written! But it's my book and since i wrote it throughout my 7th and 8th grade years i am pretty proud of it. It was fun and thats the only reason i wrote it.
Now this next piece is something that I wrote for my mom on her birthday:

"A mother has many remarkable qualities that God has bestowed to her. She is strong in difficult situations. She is devoted to her kids and never ever gives up on them. Her love never ages, even if her body shows the signs. When you gaze into her eyes you can see the immense wisdom that swims within her. A single hug can obliterate any grief or fright inside of you. When she sings to you, even if off key or unusual, it soothes every muscle of your body and makes you feel like you are the only one in the world that has someone that loves you to infinity and beyond. And she has a smile that can stop time itself and make the world seem a little brighter. Not only can she be a mother to her own flesh and blood but also to the ones that stagger into her life ever so gently and loves them just the same. A mother is a friend on good days and an enemy on bad days but never ceases to bring you back into her tender embrace."

And this piece was something I wrote to give a picture to what my mother said happened when she had her aneurysm and felt as if she really was going to her place with Him.

"The feeling of a peace around your body as you glide within a place of nor light or darkness. Knowing that someone is there but cant seem to distinguish them from the wonder of the silence that engulfs you. A state of dreaming and reality all the same. The rush of contentment and bliss that surrounds every fighting feeling inside of you. Fear is absent but faith is there beside you. The gloom of the world is being released with every exhale of your lungs. “I'm here, take me home .” That simple phrase is lifted up from your frail mind towards God. As the sounds of life slowly reach your ears again, you find that His plan for you is not over and soon are you to return consciousness to find the family that loves you gathered near. "

Oh man...the past is well past-y,

Monday, April 6, 2009

Be Lifted High!

Ah...I am soo excited!

Truly, Christ is amazing!
My friend, one that I am coming to adore, is starting to see Christ! I am soo excited! Ahhh i cant contain it!


Wonderful Savior
My heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me

Wonderful Savior
My heart will know Your worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am....

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart
Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You are

Beautiful Jesus
You are my only worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Expose Your Plan

I dont know what God is trying to tell me!?!?

I am sitting in a dark apartment, alone, at midnight listening to the lines of this song running and running over and over again.

"Oh how He loves us!
Oh how He loves us!
Oh how He loves us!
Oh how He loves!"

There are wounds that I thought were finally starting to scar over. Now I see that they have once again been opened and it hurts.

God it is hurting me; your daughter is in pain. Tell me how to use this pain to serve you! You are the only reason I can press on with this ache inside my heart. Lord reveal!

Christ Jesus, you have saved! Jesus Christ you have lived! Jesus Christ YOU LIVE! Jesus tell me how to spread that love, mercy, and sacrifice! Christ I need to serve! Jesus I want to serve! Christ they need to know, the world needs to know!


Almighty Father I am on my knees...come and reveal Your will.

Oh how He loves us,

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Do You Know...

You know sometimes i wish everyone on earth had blogs. I wish everyone was open with each other. Sometimes i wish that i was more open with people. Even having this blog I don't put my secrets, my crushes, my talents that i wish to keep hidden...and such.

Do you know_______ about me?

  • Do you know that i wear glasses [ but only when i run out of contacts or i am sick ]
  • Do you know that i have a slightly decent voice and is trying to teach myself how to, im working on it.
  • Do you know that i adore accessorizing...hats, bows, ribbons, rings, bracelets, ties, earrings, necklaces, headbands...etc.
  • Do you know that i have a tv in my room but i almost never watch movies on it because i am consumed by music.
  • Do you know that I have a picture that i drew in my room that says "Spread the Hope, Titus 2:11-13"
  • Do you know that i spend 40% of my time at home, 25% of my time at school, 20% at The Apt, and 15% at church. [ roughly ]
  • Do you know that i have no idea what i am going to do with my life even though on the outside it seems obvious.
  • Do you know that i have my clock in my room set for 20 mins early so when i wake up in the morning i have time to take my time
  • Do you know that if i were given the choice of listening to iTunes, a CD, or a LP i would choose the LP in a heartbeat!
  • Do you know that i dont have a favorite subject...i like them all.
  • Do you know that if something horrific hadn't happened i would not be the Christian i am today
  • Do you know that i think of missions/and of being a missionary daily
  • Do you know that my biggest fear is leaving the people i love or them leaving me.
  • Do you know that i have read almost all the way through Psalms...almost done!
  • Do you know that i enjoy every moment of high school even though i complain!
  • Do you know that i would dearly love to learn to play the guitar!
  • Do you know that my favorite feeling is the feeling of the click when you plug something in...i know im so weird.
  • Do you know that i want to work at the library over the summer.
  • Do you know that i am addicted to books
  • Do you know that i am addicted to Christ?
  • Do you know that i used to want to be an Indian princess? interior decorator? Doctor?
  • Do you know that i long to drive on my own.
  • Do you know that i am completely a daddy's girl
  • Do you know that getting a final grade of a B kills me
  • Do you know that consistently i fall asleep in my french class but i have an A...that teacher sucks [ im not joking at all]
  • Do you know that i am Jessica Ray's, from Jessica Lyndon Ray, assistant/slave most of the time.
  • Do you know that want to travel a lot but have my residence in Raleigh.
  • Do you know that Gilmore Girls is probably one of my favorite shows in the world.
  • Do you know that The Apt is my weekend home
  • Do you know that i am a member of The Zaxby's Club
  • Do you know that i love Zooey Deschanel
  • Do you know that i live off of my planner.
  • Do you know that i have an impeccable memory and i love it
  • Do you know that i take too many pictures
  • Do you know that i adore Jess' camera
  • Do you know that i have a midterm tomorrow that i should be studying for but instead i am on here...hehe.
  • Do you know that tomorrow at 2:18pm i will be on Spring Break for one week and one day!

Yay for tomorrow!


Okay so if you live anywhere near Raleigh, NC please join us! It's going to be a lot of fun! Some really good singers and I am being completely honest...they are amazing! And there is cool merchandise! So you should come!

And here is the information.

Every year one million children are added to the worldwide sex trafficking industry. Remember Nhu exist to eliminate the exploitation of children in the sex trade industry throughout the world. On April 3rd we will be hosting a concert to benefit the ministries of Remember Nhu. During this FREE concert we hope to bring light to Remember Nhu and provide opportunities to support this ministry.

**Doors open at 7:30**

Performances by:
Catherine Walker
Jessica Lyndon Ray
Public Disgrace
Samantha Whitfield
Daniel Moore

LIFTED will also introduce Catherine Walker's instrumental album of the same title with all proceeds going to Remember Nhu.

Friday, April 3, 2009
8:00pm - 11:00pm
North Ridge Church
7601 Falls of Neuse Rd.
Raleigh, NC

Please Come,