Holy Spirit, You are welcome here.

There is something so intriguing about the Spirit of the Living God.

He is always around but we seem to devise a false fact that He is only around at youth retreats, spiritual conferences and "good" worship nights. Why do we look past His signals and signs that shines brightly on our faces?

I do not understand Him. The Lord has called us to live in the Spirit... Therefore I must. I long to understand His ways but this earth screams at me and tells me that His ways are too this or too that! Even some forms of the Church... the house of the Lord... strives to keep His ways out! I do not wish to do so!

I want to read the Bible take it literally! I want to read what the Lord says and asks and then I want to be able to do... not to hold back to fulfill partially... but to DO!

As my heart and longing grows for knowledge of the Spirit also the struggle and battle of the enemy increases. As I search for the Spirit the enemy is strong at work to cause confusion and doubt within me. I am pressing through the evil one's ploys and schemes but they take a toll on my heart. There is only one cure and that is the Lord. He is my comfort and strength.

I constantly find the enemy deceiving my thoughts by the closure of my mouth. He knows that one of the most powerful ways to convey the Spirit and His power, along with action, is speech. He spits out lies upon lies that the things I have been experiencing with the Lord are unworthy of speech. That what the Holy Spirit is doing in my life is too minuscule for anyone to care. When I try to speak, fear grips my heart and my words are silent. I hate it. I hate that I have been conned into this lie. I hate that I cannot find my way out of it because I sometimes still believe it. Even as I write this the evil one is heavy on my shoulders and is whispering continual lies into my ears. Right now he is hammering the feeling of disappointment into my thoughts. He is telling me that I should feel disappointed in myself for not even going to the one person on earth I confide everything in. The one person that is most stoked about the Spirit's work right now and I have not even told her the work in me except for a few measly text messages. I know these lies to be wretched and deceitful and yet I hear them. Wow Satan sure knows your weaknesses and he goes right for the cheap shots.
These battles are strong... Father, fight for me. I call out to your immovable power!

I want the Spirit to destroy these fears and doubts. I know He can! I don't want to come down from that mountaintop! I want to live it and use it for The Holy and worthy Father's glory!

Holy Spirit create in me a dwelling place... fight for me,
Stephie

65 degrees and Fearing

Today is a perfect day.

The weather is a lovely 65 degrees.

My windows are open to the soft wind.

My speakers are streaming beautiful melodies.

But today all I can think upon are my friends that are going to Thailand in 4 days. They are going to witness first hand what the Sex Slave Trade is doing to girls lives in Thailand. All I can think upon is the pain that they are going to have to witness. I know that it is for the Lord's glory and Will that they are going to see this pain causing sight. I can't help but ache within for them.

I want to be rejoicing in the fact that I am seeing the Lord's call on their lives! I want to be ecstatic that they are carrying the Lord's news to the other side of the world...

I AM. This the end of my fears. I am no longer going to fear for them...

I am going to fight for them in prayer.

Worthy God, I believe that You will protect them. Protect them in the physical and their weakness of heart. I believe that You can bring Your Name across the seas. I believe that You will be their stronghold and keep them mighty in Your Will.

To You be the glory,

Amen

I AM praising the Lord for the girls and their ministry in Lifted!

Stephie

Difference

There is a difference inside of me! I can feel it rising up! The Holy Spirit has torn through my barriers that I have built up over the years!

I HAVE LET GO!!!

I have let go of my fear and my doubt! I have let go of unbelief!

HE REIGNS! CHRIST, THE LIVING SAVIOR, REIGNS. THE FATHER REIGNS!

The Spirit now directs my feet and puts sound on my lips. A New Heart has been formed within me and I have no choice but to fall upon my knees and thank the faithful Living God! His mercies are new everyday!

My father loves me!
"We are never the same after we encounter the love of God!" -Kim Walker

Thank you Jesus, Thank you Savior!
Stephie

Thank You Jesus. Thank You Savior.

Youth Group was overwhelming last night...

Nope let me rephrase that...

The Holy Spirit was overwhelming last night!

He was so evident that my only response was to literally fall on my knees and shout out praise and thanks to our Savior! I adore when the Holy Spirit takes over and controls my voice and actions. Without Him I would not have been able to be so bold in Him! Without Him I cannot Praise Him!!!! haha. How awesome is that! Without the Holy Spirit living and working within me, I am unable to praise the Lord to the fullest! ha.

I adored seeing friends and sisters/brothers in Christ kneeling before Him in praise! Crying out for guidence and knowledge! They make me so happy!

Thank you Jesus, Thank You Savior!
Stephie

2010 Venting

The way I start off 2010

• Im failing a class (this is the first time in my entire life!! Im freaking out)
• I have yet to finish the homework that is due tomorrow... it is 10:30pm
• I am in denial that school is back
• I loathe theatre but its like a trap and I can't get out of it!
• I get this wretched stomach ache when I think about school/theatre.
• I am strongly disliking society for forcing earthly education upon me.
• I dont want to be wasting my time by focusing and putting my time and effort into it when I could be using it for Christ's advancement!
• I am sick and tired of lies being screamed at my face and out of my weakness I believe them.
• I hate the moment when a friend asks: "How yah doin?" and I answer "fine/good" I hate lying.
• I want to get out of this cage of unbelief and doubt in the power of the Trinity.
• I want to fall and cry just so He can catch me on the way down because He is faithful when I am not.

I adore my friends because they get me through all of that crap even when they don't even know it.

• I adore Whitney because she reads my thoughts and now carries around little peanuts and crackers for whenever I have a low blood sugar spell.
• I adore Catherine because she never fails to remind me that I am her Mei Mei and I know she will always be right next to me if I ever need her!
• I adore Jessie because our hugs are perfect together... she goes up and I go down... and because she gives me super Perfect hugs and says: "I love you, just to let you know."
• I adore the Sr. High girls because they are ALL my best friends and they can make me smile at any time even when I am down.
• I adore the Jr. High girls because they are so cute and I see longing for more in their eyes.

Fight for me God,
Fight for me Holy Spirit,
Fight for me Jesus Christ my Lord,
Stephie

New Years Eve at Stitch!

Stitch!!!
Oh how I have missed thee.

Today I got the chance to go to work with Whitta again at Stitch and Holly Aiken bags! I worked here over the summer and adored it but when school started my career as a Holly Aiken Shop assistant came to an end.

With the school winter break at hand I got the chance again to help out in the shop! Such a happy day! New Years Evee!!! This is a great holiday! Spending it with my sister and doing fun stuff at the shop! Yay.

Oh and Eppy Birshday tu Yourshelf Nancy!!!

Shopgirl (GAME: Name the movie!),
Stephie

My Response to Samantha Crowder's "NEXT SEMESTER UPDATE"

Okay so I read Sambird's blog this morning and I wanted to share my ideas on the subject at hand.

Subject: SAM IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!

I am super duper excited!

Reasons for Excitement:

1. She will be a part of apt girls nights...

• The movie nights
• The music jam nights
• The Sit on The Couch For Hours Together Just Because We Want to Be Together nights
• The Adventures we take
• The laughter we expel when we are together
• THE BARNES AND NOBLE NIGHTS!!!!

2. I want to go to coffee with this chick!

• Um just imagine Sam...You and I....Drinking Coffee...Talking about life, books, music...our fave subjects!

3. She is going to be here!

• I have such a pure joy to know that she will be here. I can know that Sambird is in the same city as I am.

Okay so there are plenty of reasons I adore the thought that Sambird is going to be living here but those are mainly the top 3!

I love you Sambird!

CONGRATS ON THE GRADUATION!!!

Stephie

ALMOST DONE!!!

One more day.
Two more performances.
12 more hours.


and then My Fair Lady is over and I can return to my normal week, sleep schedule, and life.

Yay,
Stephie

All-Nighter 101

Ingredients:

Starbucks!!! Triple Grande White Mocha. :)
A computer.
Chocolate.
Sweatpants.
MUSIC!

Tonights Playlist:
- Samantha Whitfield
- Alexis Worthington
-Jess Ray and The Rag Tag Army
- Paper Route (& on Youtube "Live @ Grantland pt.1&2)
- iTunes Shuffe ( Mindy Smith, Ray Lamontagne, Mute Math, John Mayer, Lauryn Hill, Loquat, Eisley, Joshua Radin... It was a good Shuffle night!!)

Im gettin pretty good at this All-nighter thing.

But then again...it is opening night for my performance tomorrow. So most likely Im gunna be regreting this. ha. Oh well.

A friend once told me that all of this school stuff isnt going to matter after I get out. I have held onto that fact. Because if I really think about it...my purpose on earth is not to get good grades and excel in acedemics so that i can get a good job...my true purpose is to glorify God and to share His hope and good news to the world. So what idiot came up with the idea that education was the main priority? Ha. So here I go...not caring if I pass or fail a high school course or if I ruin a theatrical performance...because those things are dumb and fleeting. He is forever. His mission is mine.

Oooo... Are We All Forgotten just came on...I love this song!!!
Stephie

Sleepy Morning. Sleepy Week.

Im so tired.

Its really not tired...its exhausted. I forget that 7am-9pm school days are just hard.

And its not only that Im ust physically exhausted...

• Im tired of waking up to the stress of having 5 technicians running a full Wakefield Theatre Production...when we usually have a little less than double that.
• Im tired of going to class to find out that I have more work to do.
• Im tired of not seeing my family.
• Im tired of not seeing the girls or Indie.
• Im tired of having to do 2+ hours of homework AFTER a 14 hour day.
• Im tired of pulling All-Nighters.
• Im tired of this show! Its not even fun!
• Im tired of the feelings that I could burst into tears at any moment.
• Im tired of 5 or less hours of sleep.
• Im tired of my schedule being completely booked.
• Im tired of failing my classes.
• Im tired of being a walking zombie.
• Im tired of trying to act like I am enjoying doing this.
• Im tired of feeling behind...IN EVERYTHING.
• Im tired of Essays Due on Opening Day and 200 question Study Guides due the day after!
• Im tired of my teachers saying "Well you shouldn't have done the musical if you couldnt handle my classload and the production!"
• Im tired of my communication being only through the internet and cell phone.
• Im tired.

Lord, Im exhausted. Come to my rescue because You are the only one who can cure my weak state!

Stephie