Just a little Recap on the Week

Wow... Last night I stayed up a little late to spend some time with the Lord. The entire week I just have put it off because i was "too busy" or "too tired"...WHAT? Anyway, those 30 mins really changed my entire week around...i mean He is wonderful and that's that.

One just awkward thing that happened to me tonight was that for the 2 time in the span of 2 months i have gotten asked out on a date over facebook by two different creepers from my school that i have chosen to be nice to. Seriously i need to stop this "being nice" thing. Like really both of these guys I chose to talk to and i have been nice to and then they turn around and ask me out...but the weirdest thing is it was over facebook! Who in the world asks out a girl over facebook? Man it was just the awkwardest moment.

Well...that didnt put a damper on my night!

Today has been great,
Stephie

I need rest...from everything.

I am exhausted and I just want to fall asleep crying...but that cant happen because i have no sheets for about another 30 mins and I have homework that i completely forgot about.

This night had so much potential but now it has bombed completely.

Christ I need your strength tonight, because i barely have enough to type on this keyboard,
Stephie

Oh Nancy...

So i go onto Nancy's blog today and i see i have been tagged in a fun little blogging game i guess you can call it. The rules are simple you just have to post the 4th photo in your 4th album...and since im pretty bored [ just sitting here waiting for my clothes to wash] i decided to participate.
So here it is....hahaha





This is a picture of Whit chopping pecans in this chopper thing and her face was hysterical!! Now thats a quality photo!

My Turn! I tag...Katie Smith and Daryl Monroe!

This was fun,
Stephie

Live from Creative Writing II

So it is about 9:37am right now and my class and I are in the media center researching for our Historical Fiction Short Story. Mine is of course going to be on the 1700s and since i am literally obbessesed with that era, i dont really need to do any research other than reading a few Jane Austen books...mostly cause i want to! But I should at least do some reading now and have fun just hanging with my friend Brooke.

So have a lovely day everyone,
Stephie

why don't i?

Im not good at admitting that I am not doing well. That meaning, if i am stressed or overwhelmed or just going through a rough patch in my spiritual life, I try to resolve it myself without asking for help. Which is so the wrong thing to do, i mean I cant do anything without God and He has put people in my life for a reason...why don't I go to them automatically?

I mean seriously, I just called my mentor/my friend/my shep/my teacher/my imaginary sister/my giggles / my choice of hug...anywho i called her tonight and literally as I told her about how i was REALLY feeling, a relief just washed over me and just knowing that she was there and she now shared in knowing what my emotions where at this particular time, it was great! I also am so glad that she saw that I was struggling even before I told her. She asked me straight up if i was okay and I lied. And even though I lied to her [wow that hurts me to say that i lied to her! Seriously knowing that I lied to her was literally eating me up inside.] she still was there for me and just talked to me...i mean it wasnt a long conversation, just heres whats going on and her response was well im praying and im here, at least that was the just of the conversation. and that was all i needed right there!

I want to go to her now! I really do!

God open my heart so that I might trust you harder!
Stephie

So many things and so little space.

There are so many things that want to break free from my mind!

Like...

It is 70 degrees here!! Oh my gosh it is amazing! I rode in a car with the windows down and summer music playing [ Sondre Lerche, Tracy Chapman, John Mayer, Imogen Heap...you know the kind]. Then i went to the park in jeans with holes, t-shirt, and RAINBOWS [how much do you miss Rainbows?? Cause i do soo much!]. This weekend i had the privilege of taking two of the cutest kids to the park for an hour with the sis' roomies. This has been a fantastic weekend. From the sister and friends getting piercings to striking all the youth group equipment.

Today Jess asked me if i was OKAY, okay. And in that exact moment every bit of my being tightened up and told me to say i was fine. That is my automatic response, even if it is true. And it was true, i told her i was fine and i am...kinda. But it would have taken a lot longer than a car ride to explain the reason i am feeling "off" lately. Its really a mixture of school planning/feeling this crazy weird almost overwhelmed feeling/and being tired. And I was just quiet this weekend...just thinking about some things and being quiet stephie...which not a lot of people get to see, so Jessie was just checking which i loved and was thankful for. Even though i didnt answer completely true. Ugh, im an idiot sometimes. Ill talk to her later, maybe ill call her.

And another thing, Mrs. Ray is amazing! I got the chance to talk to her about my plans for the next couple of years and about the way God has been leading me and she was so great and encouraged me...so much!! No wonder why her daughter is my mentor!

Lastly [ is that a word?], tonight i was setting up for youth group and so i went to get something from the big storage closet and i was walking back and i just had to stop for a few seconds and just watch. I mean it was awesome! Every Sunday for about 4 weeks at a time i get to hang out with geniuses for a couple hours and learn and work with them and i just get to hang out and then praise the righteous King!

I am blessed...thank you God!
Stephie

A song purely from the heart.

Just take a minute and read these lyrics to a song by Jason Upton...wrote this on stage, he just started singing and this is what he sang.

Let faith arise, oh Lord, let faith arise
In the deepest parts of my being, oh Lord
In the most broken parts of me, oh Lord
Friends have failed me Lord, let my faith arise
Loved ones have failed me Lord, let my faith arise
Heroes have failed me Lord, let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
Let my faith arise
I say NO to the discouragement that keeps me down
I say NO to the things that keep me back from You
And this broken heart inside of me
Broken in so many pieces
By so many circumstances
I say NO to just letting it stay that way
Because I'm learning to trust that it's not You that hurt me
I'm learning to believe that it's not You that deserted me
I'm believing that You still love me
Brokenness and all
I'm believing that You've got a plan for me
I'm believing that You will restore me
I believe that You will awaken my soul
And let, let faith arise again, I believe
I believe like a little child again
I'm gonna dance in my trust in You, oh Lord
I'm gonna dance in my love for You, oh Lord
I'm gonna laugh again
I'm gonna cry again
I'm gonna have joy, joy on the inside
Circumstances around me try to pull me down
I'm going to believe in that faith again
'Cause You're my Creator
You're my Comfort
You're the One that will never desert me
So Daddy, I raise my hands up to You Lord
I raise my hands up to You, oh Lord
And I dance with my feet, I dance with my feet
And I say, come and, come and hold me Lord
'Cause I'm learning to trust You with the faith of a child
Trust You with the faith of a child
I can have joy again like a child
I'm not going to let it come down
I'm not going to let those bullets come down
Come down and hurt me no more
'Cause I'm raising up the Shield of Faith
And the Sword of the Lord
I'm believing on your Word Lord
I'm trusting in the Word that You said
And I'm waiting on You
Waiting on You
And I'm rejoicing in the fact that the Bible says
That You are my Victorious Warrior
You're the one that fights for me
I don't have to fight anymore
You're the one that fights for me, oh Lord
My faith is rising, my faith is rising, my faith is rising
I can see You again Lord.
I can see You on the horizon of my life, oh Lord
I can see Your Son, it's rising up, it's rising up, it's rising up
And I don't have to be discouraged anymore
And I don't have to fight this loneliness anymore
'Cause You're in my life, You're in my life more than anyone can ever be
Father we're building a relationship again, just me and You
We're building a relationship again, just me and You
It's not about the job I have
It's not about the friends I have
Its' not about the house I have or the social status I have
It's about me and You
We're building a relationship again, just me and You
You're building my faith up again

Let faith arise, oh Lord!

Joli,
Stephanie

What a Joy.

Today was pretty great. It was a normal day, no deviations from my usual. School was great...first period we had a substitute [ in Civics and Economics] which means that all we did was busy work. But im not opposed to busy work. I would take it any day over group work...something about group work i really dont like.

Anyway, 2nd period we learned we would be writing a script as a class for a skit the faculty of Wakefield High School would be putting on... and my favorite teacher, my Technical Theatre Teacher, is going to be in this skit! I am soo excited! And the rest of the class period was devoted to reading, which i am perfectly fine with.

In third period, i got to sleep. hehe. Im really bad about sleeping in class, I dont sleep in a class where i need to listen or anything like that, just the classes where i am acing and i know i dont have to listen for that period of time. But one great thing about third period is that lunch divides it into two parts...in other words we have like 45 mins of class and then we go to lunch for 45 mins and then we come back in class for 45 mins....its awesome. And not to mention that i have one of the best lunch tables ever! 5 of my best friends at school are in my lunch and they are such a blast to hang around! I laugh so hard i cry almost every day at lunch. We have the best 45s every day! Its spectacular.

And then in 4th period we read the book of Genesis in the Bible...in PRE AP ENGLISH!! Isnt that awesome! I get to read the Bible in class! And then we discuss it and i love classes where you can get into a full out discussion that takes up the entire class period and all you do is debate your opinion about a reading or a statement! Its soo great! And my friend Abbey is in my class, and she is a joy [and a Christian, now that is refreshing!]

And after school i got to take a three hour nap which was completely needed! And now i am going to finish my readers response questions to the Legend of Gilgamesh which we just finished reading and i am going to watch a movie while falling asleep and get up tomorrow, go to school, get out of school early cause my family is leaving for the hometown tomorrow. And then i go downtown with my brother and sister and then to the apt for the weekend. Such great prospects dont you think?

OH and I got a call and an email from the Dean of Admissions for Elon University, and he is really looking into my transcripts and PSAT scores and wants to help me out with getting a better grasp on college and getting scholarships and grants and everything! And he seems really nice and I am soo stoked about this college thing...yipper skipper!

Thanks God,
Stephie

This type of Night

I feel nothing. Its not a good nothing or a bad nothing...its just nothing.

Its just the type of night where all i want is to sit in a dark room and let worship music ring out throughout the room...just me, God, and those words running through my heart and mind. Its the type of night where all i want to do is cry but not because im sad, i just want that feeling after a good cry...you know the feeling where you are almost breathing fresh new crisp air. Its the type of night where all i want is to lie in bed, in the dark and think up stories and fairy tales because i did it as a child and i want to feel like a little girl again. Its the type of night where all i want to do is stand in the shower and let the water spray down my face and just breathe in the steam. Its the type of night where i want a hug from my sister because they make me smile every time. Its the type of night where all i want is to smile because i like the feeling on my face. Its the type of night where I wish Jess were here to sing me back to sleep when i wake from my nightmares crying. Its the type of night where all i want to do is talk non-stop to my friend, telling her everything and i mean holding nothing back just because i need that. Its a night where Christ consumes every bit of me and points out everything that I am doing wrong but then reminds me that He is there and takes all of those burdens off of my back.

Its the type of night that makes me overjoyed and sad at the same exact moment.

Sleep seems like such a good idea right now,
Stephie

There is no better Happy Birthday Song

I do wish Nancy was with us on that lovely night!

I love them...so mush!

Yes...they are just that cool!

Okay so my birthday was like a month and a half ago but my veryy lovely good friend Anna just uploaded a most perfect video of my birthday. And seriously if there was one moment i would want on film it would be that one!

This one moment is of three girls, with possibly three of the prettiest voices i have ever heard, singing Happy Birthday to me! It was perfection!

I just remember standing there listening to them sing to me and trying to look in their eyes but it was almost to hard. It was almost like i could have cried if i looked into their eyes for a long enough time. I dont really know why...I guess it was the fact that they are some of the most amazing girls, some of the best in the world, and they were singing to ME! WHAT?!?! There is just something wrong with that picture! I cant even believe i can call them my friends, my mentors, my imaginary sisters! Like seriously all you have to do is look at them and you would know what i am talking about...they shine for Christ unlike anyone i have ever met and they are gorgeous and then if they open there mouths and sing or speak its just...spectacular!

Man i love Sam, Heather, and Jess!

Thank you God for putting these girls, these friends that i dont deserve,
Stephie