Monday, February 9, 2009

why don't i?

Im not good at admitting that I am not doing well. That meaning, if i am stressed or overwhelmed or just going through a rough patch in my spiritual life, I try to resolve it myself without asking for help. Which is so the wrong thing to do, i mean I cant do anything without God and He has put people in my life for a reason...why don't I go to them automatically?

I mean seriously, I just called my mentor/my friend/my shep/my teacher/my imaginary sister/my giggles / my choice of hug...anywho i called her tonight and literally as I told her about how i was REALLY feeling, a relief just washed over me and just knowing that she was there and she now shared in knowing what my emotions where at this particular time, it was great! I also am so glad that she saw that I was struggling even before I told her. She asked me straight up if i was okay and I lied. And even though I lied to her [wow that hurts me to say that i lied to her! Seriously knowing that I lied to her was literally eating me up inside.] she still was there for me and just talked to me...i mean it wasnt a long conversation, just heres whats going on and her response was well im praying and im here, at least that was the just of the conversation. and that was all i needed right there!

I want to go to her now! I really do!

God open my heart so that I might trust you harder!

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