Exhaustion with a little Blessing.

Im Exhausted.

That is the perfect way to put my feelings at the moment. So tired i could fall asleep writing this but i cant do that because I have two papers to finish before i go to sleep.

BUT...i just talked to the other Stage Manager for the musical at my school and wow she just told me to just start back coming to rehearsal next week so that i can get caught up from the days i missed last week. I love her! That is such a blessing because i dont think i could have made it the entire week without breaking down if she hadnt just taken that burden away! Ahh. I love Lexi!

But next Sunday is my last week as a techie for a while and that saddens me! However much work i do there, i completely love every minute of it. Whether Jess is telling me [ well she asks but the answer is always yes ] something to do or im unwrapping a cord from the cabinet...i love it.

and even sadder is that I only have two weeks left of Techie Sundays for the entire year! My next block is in April and there is only two weeks for that block and then we have the Sr. High Beach Retreat! That deeply saddens me!

Ahh well i have to get to those papers!

Praying for strength,
Stephie

Imagine If...

Okay imagine with me for a second. Imagine that you get an offer tomorrow [or in my case when i get out of high school] that would take you away from your home for 5 years or so and you take it because it is an amazing opportunity or what not. So you go away and you talk to people from home only like once every three months or so just because what you are doing keeps you quite busy. But then your 5 years comes to a close and you go back home. What do you think has changed?

As i wrote that prompt type thing, or thought about it on the way home from downtown today i actually tried to answer what i really thought would be different.

Okay so say i left the day i finished high school [because logically i wouldn't do anything like that before i finished high school] and i came home when i was 23 years old.

My family:

Mom and Dad probably wouldn't have changed much...maybe have moved into a smaller place just for them but thats probably about it. Just a little bit older.

Max: I would hope moved out and in his own place and has at least a girl friend...fiance? wife? please?...With him it is hard to say because i would really like to hope that he kept with the photography thing and travels around to different stadiums taking pictures for different sports teams around the country...but he changes his mind to quickly so i dont know.

Mere: She probably would stay pretty much the same...she is kinda like that.

Whit: Well whitta, really i would probably pack her in my suitcase to come with me but since thats not an option i would say that she still would have her job with Holly Aiken but she could have also opened a Stitch in another city like Atlanta or something like that...just because i dont expect her to stay here in Raleigh for the rest of her life. Hopefully there is a man in her life as well. =]

Sammy Boy: Well 7 years from now Sam will be 21 so he will still be in college somewhere because he will totally get into a great college and find a profession that he will just love and look good in the attire...i see him as like a graphic designer somewhere. And probably still hundreds of girls flocking to him.

Friends:

Hannah Grace: Well she will be the same age as Sammy Boy but i dont see her leaving the city of Raleigh so maybe she will go to somewhere like State or Carolina. She will be so big! And she will be doing big things!

Jess: Well this one is easy! She will of course be big and famous in the Christian music industry, but not like "big" like the category of music that plays on the radio, just cause not a lot of good Christian music comes from the radio...but who knows maybe she will change all that. I imagine Jessica Lyndon Ray music to be like Shane & Shane or Hillsong, you know like the type of artists that are big and known [and loved] by mostly all Christians but arent big because they are on the radio. I dont know...all i know is that she is going to be big and her music is going to change things and ignite hearts all over the country, maybe even the world. Ohh and we cant forget that her last name will no longer be Ray but replaced with the lovely name of Miller [hehe].

Catherine: Oh Catherine, the thing is that i can imagine Cat doing so many things that it is hard to say what will actually end up happening in the next seven years for her. I mean she has such a big heart for the Lord and I really want that heart to be shared with the world! So maybe she will still be in Raleigh teaching, but maybe she will be elsewhere spreading Christ's name.

Heather: One thing i know for sure...Heather Wilson.

Sam Bird: Wow. All i can imagine for Sam in 7 years is that she is someone really successful, she knows what she is doing and she does it well [ i dont know what it is yet...hehe], and not to mention she looks amazing while doing whatever it is because it would be out of character for her not to look good. I can also see her on a late night drinking her green tea and writing poetry or creative non-fiction or a short story...just for fun. And i could most definitely imagine a boy somewhere in the mix of things.

Katie: Well Toon, the only thing i can see in Katie's future is her serving the Lord to the fullest. And im not sure what that actually means, i mean i dont know what particular thing she will be doing to praise and fulfill His plan but I know she will be completely at His will and doing everything with that lovely smile and beautiful laugh...even if it can sometimes be a little late ;].

Daryl: Theatre. She will be in some capacity completely submersed in theatre. But praising the Lord with every single breath she has. She is going to do big things...im sure of it.


Well, things would be different. But im okay with that.
Stephie

Passion? Hobby? Job?

This photograph is of Jessica Lyndon Ray

Sometimes I wish that I could be a photographer for the rest of my life. I wish I could just do that, that thing above. I wish I could go around with a band and take a million pictures in an hour [ cause its possible, and i would do it ] and praise God and just smile while doing all of this. I wish I could express myself every day by pressing my finger to that round button on the camera and making memories last forever. I love getting people to smile for a picture or catching action when no one sees me. The best kind of picture in my opinion is the Candid Shot. I mean really...seriously, I love candid shots because they show the real emotion of that specific moment that my finger pressed that round button. Ahhh its fantastic!

but then sometimes i just want it to be something I do on the weekends, in my free time, when I am with my friends. Because that keeps it special to me, it keeps it my thing and not my job.

I love memories,
Stephie

Off

I've just been a little off today.

I'm not feeling too well mentally tonight. There was a reason i didn't speak in cell group like i usually do.

And i did have my hopes up...i know shouldn't have, but i did.

Sleep sounds like perfection right now,
Stephie

Dear Lord,

I need You.

I love the feeling of Your arms wrapped around my feeble body. I love the feeling of You telling me that You love me and You are here for me. I love the feeling that You are right beside me. I love the feeling of Your strength running through me. I love that feeling of giving myself up to You, because its like being right at home. I love the feeling of my hands raised, my eyes shut, my voice crying Your praise, because right then I can feel Your smile and it is unlike any other happiness i have ever felt. I love that feeling of smiling because You are not just in my life you are my life because i am yours bought by Your precious blood, the ultimate price. I love being Your servant, here on this earth to do Your will. I love reading Your story and Your words because it brings me that much closer to You. I love kneeling on the floor before you singing because at that point I am nothing, a spec on the ground and You are Everything. I love sitting in the dark gym with Jess singing her heart out to You as I sit just talking to You and just crying out to You. I love knowing that You have a plan for me and my life. I love knowing that i can put my everything on You and trust in You and You will lead me to where I am supposed to be.

I adore You Lord.

Yours to do Your will,
Stephie

Good Day I Think.

Im better!! Yipper skipper.

"Its just a little chest cold" now. [first one to name the movie im quoting gets a really big hug the next time i see them] I plan on going to school tomorrow, which will be awesome because i will be going to school on my favorite day of the week and ill only have three days of school left in the week!

Sad news...the apt is out of town this weekend. Whit is gone on a roadtrip to Wyoming, Jess is going to Boonetown, and Cat is going...well actually i dont know where she is going this weekend, i just know she isnt going to be here...i wonder where Princess Indie is going to be.

Maybe Hannah Grace can come over this weekend =] thats a happy thought.

Im listening to new music!! Dont you love that feeling?!?! The band is Slow Club. Its actually a pretty cool band...slightly odd but cool.

Cell Group tomorrow...GNO night Friday...maybe something enjoyable on Thursday [crossing my fingers]

Im in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and between the coughing im smiling. Good day I think.
Stephie

Sicky Speaking.

So I'm stressed, I get it already!!

Okay so background on me getting stressed. In my head i dont really feel stressed, i mean maybe a little stressed but not much. BUT in actuality I am completely and utterly stressed...do you know why i know that?? Well when i get stressed my body almost starts to backfire on me, or just shut down. Which isnt really fun to say the least. My immune system isnt very good to begin with but then add stress and it goes berserk and i cant do anything about it...well other than trying to de-stress myself.

So let me inform you why I have come to find that i am stressed this particular week.

1. I have this thing called Esophageal Spasms...which just means that when i try to eat, my esophagus muscles clench and will not let the food pass through into the stomach...it hurts, bad! And I only get this when I am stressed...or thats what the doctor told me... I have had 2 Esophageal Spasms in the last week.
2. Right now I am lying on my couch watching some stupid 12:00pm tv show feeling completely horrendous. Last night I woke up at like 4am and felt achy and cold and hot at the same time and my head was pounding and when i would swallow it felt like i was swallowing a knife. Lets just say i woke up sick with a fever.

seriously...i need to stop this being stressed thing, its becoming a nuisance.

Im going to eat my Campbell's chicken noodle soup just like when i was a kid.
Stephie

Joyful Night

There are days like these that make me just a little happier...well maybe way happier.

Tonight I completely gave myself to the Lord's will. I gave my entire being to Him and i couldnt be happier! It was probably one of the best worships i have had in a long time. Its the kind of worship where you cant stop yourself from just moving because you are that excited and you biggest smile doesnt even touch the happiness you feel for Him and your hands cant get any higher and you just want to laugh while singing just because He is that amazing! Wow! It was great!

And a friendship that was kind of dwindling was definitely brought back to life and i am soo happy for that, i missed it!

and there is a perhaps, possibly, maybe, a chance that i could possibly maybe be having coffee with someone very special to me...but if it doesnt happen im okay with that, we will just wait on another time.

Stephie

I Agree with Toon!

This day has gone by fabulously! I mean seriously! First period...we got to color;i love my teacher! Second period...my friend Brooke and I realized we lived in the same neighborhood AND all we did the entire class period was goof off on the computers in the media center! haha. Third Period...well lets skip that period; it was Barbant [boring in french]. Fourth Period...i love my teacher! We had a quiz but still i just had fun talking with my teacher for most of the period!

And tonight Jessica is coming over to talk about The Project Concert [coming up on March 14th! COME!!]!

That is sooo weird! I just read over that sentence and i called Jess Jessica...so weird for me to do! Usually its...Jess or Jessie[or at least i try to call her Jessie, she doesnt like me doing it...oh well :) hehe.] But i almost never call her Jessica, unless i am talking about her or her band to someone that has never met her. Maybe ill call her Jessica tonight and see what she says...hehe i love experiments! haha

and tonight i get to take photos for Mr. Miller at North Raleigh Christian Academy's Senior Night! It will be a blast!

I am in a great mood!
Stephie

Dear Spring and Summer of 2008

Do you remember?

• When four days was too long for us to go without seeing each other.
• When come and hang out tonight meant that you would spend the night because we would convince you that you were too tired to drive all the way down Falls or up 5 mins up to Wake Forest
  
• When the Rays had the 1am rule : If it is after one stay where you are!
• When the futon was my bed almost every night
• When Stella met everyone.
• When it was hard to say goodbye a night because we all had to go home.
• When our house was always occupied by honorary Drummond Girls.
  
• When my room was our room
• When our room was filled with giggles in the dark
  
• When sitting on the lawn of our friends house at night was the best part of our weeks.
• When spring break was the start.
• When a weekend at Jess' house was not at the apt.
• When sleeping over with Catherine was in a room filled with Broadway stuff and chocolate covered strawberries
  
• When the Taxi was in service
• When staying out after 10 was a usual occurrence.
• When staying out in downtown Wake Forest until 12 was the start of something.
• When "Kirk" was spoken between giggles and Shane and Shane singing Carry Away.
• When the first "Summery Day" was spent together at Mistletoe, playing home run derby on a golf course, and eating ribs with the families.
• When late nights were spent together but not because there was the apt but because we just wanted to be together.
• When Jess laid on my bed and couldnt tell me what she wanted to tell me cause all she could do was laugh cause i was smiling at her and in actuality she was going to tell me NRC Youth wanted me to come on as a techie!!
• When we realized that Whit was the Platinum Wink and I had a Silver Tongue.
• When GilGirls Nights were invented.
• When...the first time i grabbed Jess' hand and asked her if i could talk to her.
• When The Jess Videos were made.
• When they realized it would be cool if they lived together.
• When they got the Apt
• When we stained chairs red and put our names on the bottom just for kicks.
• When the beginning was the hanging of the flags.
  

I definitely am not saying I dont like the Apt...i love it. But i do miss some of these things. And I do know that some of these are never going to happen again unless they are scheduled...thats sad thought.

Those are some lovely memories,
Stephie