Scatterbrained

I am sitting in my sister's office/workspace/work area whatever you wanna call it and listening to music. Today i got up early, got ready, and went to work with my sister. She makes designer purses all day so i tagged along. Which is not that unusual for me. For the most part this morning she just had to do some stuff on the computer so i just played on the extra Mac computer and hung out for a while. I found that i love photoshop and that this Internet connection is real slow.

I love coke. I know a little off topic, but i have a coke sitting right next to me and i just took another sip and i have come to the same conclusion as always, i love coke. I have the new Thailand coke, you know because of the Beijing 2008 Summer Olympics coming up sooner than later. Which by the way i cant wait for! Mostly because China has made a swim arena just for the occasion and it is called the Water Cube! It is so amazing. I have known about it since they started planning it in 2006. I am really into swimming so i was pretty excited! It is one of the most creative pieces of architecture on this planet right now. It is made so that when you are in the stands you feel as if you are in the water yourself, because of the way the building reflects the sun and makes the light ripple throughout the arena. The high dives are made to look like crystals protruding from the ground and it is amazing! I can not wait until the Olympics start!

Anywho, some of my friends are on a missions trip right now and it is funny to think that it is around 5:15pm there right now while it hasn't even reached lunchtime here. Well, I love them and i am praying for them! 11 days in counting...

I am so scatterbrained right now.

Bs and Blogging

I really have no idea what to write at this moment but i just wanna write. Sometimes i think this thing is pointless, i mean i am not changing any ones lives with what i am writing or i am not writing anything profound. Then some days i am so glad i have this place just so i can come and write and it doesn't have to be anything profound and it might not even get read but i can write for myself and i love it. I used to be filling up my computer with Word documents full of meaningless writings from when i got really bored. Now i come here and write whatever.

I just checked my final grades for this past semester and there is something fantastical about an A. I am one of those nerdy school kids that hate getting anything below an A. Even a B, i mean they are great and i am really proud of other people that get Bs but for myself I cant take anything less than an A [except for Geometry, i didn't really care in that class. I hated the whole thing]. I have always been one of those annoying kids that when they got their paper back and the was a big B written on it, a frown would replace a smile. I think i can do better than that B. I think that is why i love school, because it is competitive. I am not a competitive person by nature but with myself i am real critical. I compete with myself. Learning is fun, and you are all open to call me a geek, but learning something new is just rewarding. I have never been one to have a favorite subject, all of them i have loved. But i do say that i have loved Algebra probably the most just because all the equations and numbers i know will lead to a specific answer and it is my job to decode it. So in conclusion i am a big nerd, hehe.

Schedules and Smiling

Today was my 11th day out of homework, studying, and curfews. However much i love summer, i love having things to do constantly and school just provided that booked schedule. The feeling of looking at your calender or planner and having ink scribbled over all the tiny blocks that fill the page just makes me happy. There might be things written down that i wish i didn't have to do but i still have something to do. So the summer presents a problem for me at some points. When you have school there is always stuff to do during the week and the weekend is a release so i always have something planned on the weekend. Every kid, teen, adult looks forward to the weekend but there is a different joy that comes when you look at your planner or calender and it says that you have something you have to do when the weekend rolls around. But the summer is just one big weekend for kids in school. It isn't possible to have something planned for everyday of the summer so that is when i don't know what to do with myself. I go to the computer, i watch TV, i read a book, i go outside for a little while, tan... and yeah that stuff is fun but when that continues everyday of the week you kind of get sick of it. And one thing you have to know about me is that most of my friends are above the age of 18. So they are adults they have jobs and things do and places to go. Yes we have loads of fun at night and on the weekends but then in the middle of the day i am left sitting on the couch watching some rerun that i probably don't care about. And this is totally not a pity me blog its just me writing down to tell myself that i need to find something anything to fill up my tiny blocks again.

and now i feel like i am complaining so now on to better subjects...

This past weekend was full of welcome homes, goodbyes, new things, fun things, and lots of smiling. I have probably already gone on about this before but I LOVE SMILING and smiles for that matter. And i don't have the prettiest smile [working on it but not yet=)] but i just cant get enough of it. You can always tell when someone is wholeheartedly smiling. When i see one of my friends smile like that, i cant be anything but happy because i absolutely adore when my friends that are dear to me are perfectly happy. There are two instances when i cant help but smile and they are 1. during the worship of the gracious and loving God, there isn't a better feeling and that is a fact... and 2. when i see my best friends incandescently happy and smiling from seriously ear to ear, because it can be done and i have seen it. To see someone that is so elated that their face isn't big enough to hold their smile is the best sight to be seen.

So there, beat that, and done.

Smiles while Crying.

I do not cry at weddings. It is a known fact, there are two things i do not cry at and it is Weddings and Movies. But this one wedding was different, for the first time i cried and i am not talking about the little tear that rolls down the cheek. I mean the red eyes and shallow breathing. But it wasn't because the bride was beautiful [although she was unbelievably gorgeous] or how sweet the vows were [and they were amazing]. It was one song that was sung during the ceremony that truly got to me. Two of my friends sang the song I Am by Nichole Nordeman. Along with the atmosphere and my friends almost about to burst into tears while singing the song just broke down every wall i had and the tears stung the back of my eyes just before spilling over onto my cheeks. The only part of this that really was weird to me other than the actual crying was that i was so happy those few moments when i was crying. I couldn't stop from smiling. The song just explains my life and what i hope to come in my life. Its amazing!

I just had the best time at this wedding, from seeing people i haven't seen in a long time to the barn dance. I don't think there was time tonight, other than the goodbyes, where i wasn't smiling. The only bad part of the entire night was saying goodbye to everyone i might not get to see for a while. And now i am going to go get some sleep because it is after 12am and dream about the fun times i had tonight with everyone.

Healer

Right now at this moment rain is falling down, flashes of light breaks the darkness of the skies and is followed by the deep rumbling growl of the black clouds. I am, at 1:11am on Tuesday June 16th, sitting on my back porch watching and listening as a majestic thunderstorm rolls through in the night. Thunderstorms to me are so beautiful. The rain is quiet compared to the masking roars of the thunder but yet you can still hear its soft landing on the hard earth below. All around me is darkness but the lightning strikes out against the sky and brightens the silhouetted world around me.

I am sitting out here in awe of the splendor God has made for us to live amongst. I have a song playing throughout my speakers right now called Healer and i just have it repeating itself over and over again. "I believe you're more that enough for me, Jesus you're all i need. Nothing is impossible for you, nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible for you. You hold my world in your hands. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU!" Those are a few lines in this magnificent song, i just keep repeating in my head. I just want to scream it out but then i remember it is 1:30am and most are sleeping comfortably in their beds, including most of my family. And as the thunder is just a mumble in the murk of the night and the lightning is a faint flicker strobing the sky and the rain has come to a stop, I listen to complete silence other than my fingers tapping gently on the flat keys. I just keep saying in a whisper barley strong enough to touch the back of my lips, again and again "I believe you're my healer, i believe you are all i need. I believe you're my portion. I believe you're more than enough for me. Jesus you're all i need."

Sensational

I think Catherine is going to be happy because for one i am writing this on her computer and in her room. Hehe. Well my summer is going grandly. I love every part of the summer. Hot weather, pools, beach, riding in cars with the windows rolled down and music blared, hanging with my friends until the morning hours arise. I just get this happy feeling with i walk outside with a few of my favorite people and i am enveloped in heat and the sun is smiling brightly down upon me. Yesterday my sister, my friend and i just went and hung out outside of a Starbucks. Friends, warm with slight breeze, and an iced white mocha sitting on the table in front of me, what can be better? I am for serious.

My sister and i were talking [again] about this past few months of this year. I can say truly being completely honest that this year has been the best year of my life so far. I have grown SO much closer to the one true God, i have become great friends with some amazing people that have taught me so much. I might have really realized what i want to do with the rest of my life and God has given me someone in my life that can teach me a lot about this fantastic passion that i have been bestowed with. I cant even describe how much i love being involved with my youth group. This year can only be summed up as sensational and i owe all of it to the gracious God i adore.

Summer is Finally Here!

Wow i cant believe i just finished my freshman year of high school. Looking back on this past year, it is just amazing how God has worked in my life and has blessed me in every way. I remember the week before school started i spent some time with God just trying to, before i started, get a real tight grasp on God. I needed something to hold on to, to look upon for help and just to stay in the right path with God and not stray away from what really is important. There was one verse that i really clung to the entire year and that was Philippians 3:7-8 and that basically states that everything else in my life, my possessions and my the things that i hold dear are garbage compared to knowing Christ Jesus my LORD and Savior. That verse taught me that i didn't need to seek others approval or try to be like the rest of my school or the rest of the world for that matter, i just need to do everything in my power to please God because nothing is better than He.

It is also fun to look back on how my relationships with the important people in my life have grown. Just to see how God has placed these people in my life right exactly when i truly needed them. There are several in particular that i am indebted to for how strong my relationship with The LORD really is and I love them all so much. All the fun times, inside jokes, and late nights we have had together, i hope they never end. I hope that when we are all old and gray i will hear about Stella getting enough courage to call Phil. ; ]

I have a feeling my summer will be packed full with those fun times, more inside jokes, and really late nights, and i am going to relish every moment of it!

Love vs Adore

Love. Such a strong four letter word. My sister and i were talking the other day about this one word. We have some friends and family that we truly Love. But what if Love doesn't come close to the way you care about someone. This is the way we feel about some of our dearest and closest friends and family in our lives. So i looked up the word Love in the thesaurus and one word really stuck out to me.


Adore. It means to feel deep, devoted love for. I think that explains the more than love. I really like how it says deep, devoted love because that explains more than just saying "I love you." It defines the,"no i really do with all my heart love you."

Another amazing thing about the word adore is another word for it is Worship. Which totally fits because when i Worship God i am proclaiming that I LOVE or I ADORE God. Its amazing!

Composing Joy

Writing for me is this feeling that comes over me but i hate to call it a feeling but that's the only word that is revealing itself to me right now. I took a creative writing class this past semester and as much as i liked it, it was hard to be forced to come up with some piece and have it be good. I am just not that kind of writer. And i probably wont make it a career or anything but it is just a gift that God has bestowed upon me as a reliever and something that i can go to at anytime and just make something beautiful. Any type of writing, in my opinion, is beautiful. I go into my room or go on my computer, put in my headphones, and just let the words, paragraphs, pages just pour out. When a piece of writing comes together at the end, the sensation is just so rewarding and amazing. Probably why i started this blog is because i can say anything i want to and i don't really care if it is read by anyone. I don't have any pressure to write, when i want or need to write i come here to this blog and pour my thoughts and heart out so they aren't rattling aimlessly up in my mind. I don't like to talk about my feelings very much but i am not really afraid to write them. Some can call me a coward and i wouldn't mind that, i think that i would communicate myself better if i wrote it down rather than try to speak what comes directly from my head or heart. So writing this allows me that release that i love, just to compose, hopefully something that someone can enjoy or relate to.

Horrid feelings after saying something you shouldnt have.

Have you ever just felt really bad or like a complete idiot? Tonight would be one of those nights for me! And now i just feel like i have disappointed someone that means a lot to me. Today started great then just got bad and now i just feel horrible and i have an exam tomorrow that is basically pointless and i just feel like going to sleep and forgetting about today. Except for a few amazing things that happened to a couple of my friends i will remember those! hehe. Well i am off to bed to try to ignore what had left my mouth only a couple of hours ago!

The comfort only found in One

So Sunday night at my Youth Group we sang the song My Hope is Built and i just love that song. I think that song paints an amazing picture Because i feel like there are some days where my heart is not following wholly after Christ and in those days or weeks i truly feel like i am in sinking sand and as much as i struggle to get out myself i cant.

The past couple of weeks i have been really hit hard by the enemy and as much as i have tried to ignore and push past the things he has been shoving on me i haven't had much luck on that lately. Some of those situations where the devil has just been throwing at me has at times made me angry at the LORD . Sunday i really got to turn myself away from the devils wishes and wants for me and truly go to God and say I really need you right now in my life i cant do this by myself. Then yesterday i was shot down again by the devil but this time i had God right beside me and i really leaned on him with my hurt. And as i was spending time in the Bible with God i found two verses that has the word Comfort in them and they helped me tremendously;

Isaiah 49:13
13
Shout for Joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

&

2 Corinthians 1:3-7
3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flows over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed , it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Those really just stuck out to me and truly comforted me in my time of need.

Music in a household

I grew up with music being a major part of our everyday lives but it wasnt like we all played an instrument or anything. My dad sings really well so he was always singing to us and there was always a CD playing in our house at all times. So we just grew up around it and hearing it. But this weekend i was staying over at a really good friend's house and almost the whole time i was there, someone was making music in some way. There was always a guitar that was being played in some part of the house. And i was thinking of how great that would be to live in a house where there was not only music being played but also music being made. I just think that would have been incredible. And i am not saying that singing isnt an instrument AT ALL but i wish that there would have been physical intruments playing in my house growing up. The sound of any instrument just makes me happy and so this weekend was just a joyful weekend for me in every way.