I cant stand failure. I strive completely never to fail. Which is idiotic because I do. But every time I still tear myself up about it. I should have done better. I didn't try hard enough. Why didn't i do this, why didn't i do that? I ask myself over and over again. Its a mental battle with myself. And no one puts pressure on me to always succeed, just myself. Because i am a fairly good student i feel like i should be perfect and on the top of my game all the time, which in the back of my mind i know that this will never happen. I cant be perfect, its impossible. That still doesn't mean i don't try my hardest anyway. In my every day life i don't feel the need to impress people or please anyone else other than myself and God. I don't seek others approval of me BUT I do want the people that are closest to me to be proud of me. And most of those people would just be proud of me just for me being myself but I still feel the need to go beyond that and try for perfection. One of my faults really. I know that some of those people read this, and the first thing i don't want this post to be is an "aw steph you don't need to strive to be the best" because that is stupid, i dislike pity, a lot. Some of these posts are just for me, to inform myself that i am being an idiot, just like right now. I needed this to tell me that i need to calm down and stop worrying about succeeding.
God is better...
Kosovo Team returns TOMORROW!!