Do you want to know?

As i write this i think of you...meaning the person reading this, whoever it may be. I am thinking of what in your day has lead you to be on this computer and reading these words on this blog post on this blog. I wonder if there is music playing around you...what is it? I ponder if you have other, better things to do with your time than sit here and read this. Do you know me or are you reading it just cause you came upon it or your friend is "following" my posts? Do you know my secrets and who i have a crush on? Do you know what i want to do with my life and where i want to go to college and what i want to major in [if so please tell me]? Do you know my favorite band and type of music? Do you know the name of my camera or my sister's car? Do you know my favorite day? Do you know that i dearly love to laugh? What is my favorite book and author?

Do you know me? Do you want to?

Know this....Christ is my all and I am His, He bought me and I live my life serving His plan and calls for me.

The End and thats all you need to know about me...but what about Him? What do you know about Him? Do you want to know Him?

Maranatha,

Stephie

Why Thank You...

Im Thankful for...

• Christ Jesus my Lord and His amazing forgiveness and love


• My family


• My freaking amazing friends


• The girls I am sitting with in this wonderful lit apt


• School [however much it is annoying sometimes i still gotta love it]


• An awesome bestfriend that doubles as a sister


• Youth group


• My youth pastor


• The Sheps


• Cell Group - "The Womb"


• Friends that are away a college


• A mentor that is freakkinggg amarzing [and the added "r" was meant to be there]


• The privilege of being a guest at the Apt at least one weekend out of the month


• An amazing church and church family


• The Apt girls [plus honorary members...cant forget those special people]


• The gift of smiles and laughter


• Seeing my friends happy


• THEATRE!!!


• Memories and lovely thoughts of pastimes with friends!

I love it all

Thank you,

Steph

Guinea Piglet

I only have a moment cause whit is threatening to turn the light out on me...but i have to say something.

If she reads this she will be completely smiling and be, i would say...embarrassed but i dont care cause i love her and I think it needs to be said...

Jessica Lyndon Ray- You are amazing and unbelievably ridiculous....i mean in like an incredibly good way. I mean you are good actually amazing at almost everything you set your mind and heart to. You are hilarious because you are Jess and i love to bug you and just mess with you cause i love you soo freakin much. You just made an awesome video in what??...a day?... a night? You make me your guinea piglet...and i love it cause it means i get to spend time around you, learning from you. I have an opportunity to become something cause you are teaching me and I dont think you understand how much i am thankful for every moment we work together. God has placed you in my life for a purpose...you are in my life for a purpose...yayness, doesnt that excite you cause it does me. I mean just being around you and working with you, i see a great want, a desire to everyday follow hard after Christ and just seeing that has changed me and has made me long for that passion. And as i hugged you goodnight tonight and said i loved you...i realized wow i really do love you and i want to thank you...thank you for being an essential part of my life.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Steph

Yippee

Tomorrow is my final day until the lovely Thanksgiving Break!! ahh it couldnt have come at a better time. Although the last couple of days have been loads of fun! It has been like old times. For the past few days Whit, Jess and Catherine have been over at my house just like we used to do...except for the major spend the nighties but that could be remedied, real soon!! And now there is a possibility of hanging out with a friend i havent seen a while and i will love to see her!

With a smile of the thoughts of friends and family i will be seeing within my next 6 days!

Steph

Let Your Glory Fall

Tonight was amazing...

During worship tonight i was flattened...completely flattened. I mean I was no longer about me it was only about Him, Christ Jesus my Lord!! It was the kind of worship where your hands dont ever get high enough for Him and my voice was never loud enough [ even if it is flat or off key, i didnt care cause all I wanted to do was praise!] and my smile was never wide enough...those are the times i wish i had a "Ray" smile, you know the ones im talking about...the amazingly large smiles that all the Rays have and every time they smile it makes you smile...you know what im talkin about. Anywho back to worship, at one point I couldnt do anything but fall on my knees and sing...

"Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out"

I love the feeling of being nothing but His. I wanted to worship all night!!!



The message tonight was also amazing! I want to have a Brilliant Life for Christ!! That is the cry of my heart. Im screaming it at the top of my lungs...I WANT TO BE YOURS AND FOR YOU TO WORK THROUGH ME...I WANT TO LIVE FULLY FOR YOU I WANT TO SHINE FOR YOU I WANT YOU!! That is my desire more than anything. And the things that Dan are saying in this series are cutting me to the core and i love it. At the end of tonight i was bowing down on my knees praising and crying and I want His plan for me and I dont want to waste time doing the things that arent of Him...reveal to me the call on my life!

By the end of this lovely night I got to hold tight onto her hand. I didnt want to let go! Im a coward really...I should have held onto her hand and drug her away to a place where we could have talked but there were a few reasons on why i couldnt have done that

1.) There was JH MASH tonight so there wasnt time
2.) Im a coward

Mostly the second one is to blame. I mean she is my mentor and she is my friend and she is someone that I look up to and I could talk to her about anything and she would be more than happy to listen to me...i know, i have told myself this many a time BUT again with the I am a coward part of the equation. I cant get up the courage to ask her the simple "can i talk to you for a moment?" Ive tried...my mouth even opened one time but i backed out really fast! Whitney is getting angry at me [as much as Whitney can get mad a me =)] for not talking to her. And i dont think this person reads this thing... i dont know maybe she does but i dont think so...So im gunna continue to be a coward.


Im a coward,
Stephie

Only 6 Words

They were such simple words. None that were more than 5 letters each. But when i read them together on that screen, my eyes were slowly filled with tears. I couldnt help it, those tears fell and fell fast. I just kept reading it over and over again. It was a sentence I had heard before but tonight I actually listened to it. I dont like to cry but I didnt mind it tonight.

She was proud of me.

-Stephie

Im All Smiles

Wow i love them. I was standing near the lighting booth making sure everything was set and watching as the crowd got larger and larger. Then i saw them! They entered and sat at the other end but i saw them!! I was shocked and sooo freaking happy! They had come to see my show, the show i have been working on for weeks! I caught Jess' eye and with my shocked face i smiled and waved to her. I wish I could have caught more eyes but I had to focus...the show was going up in less than five minutes. The show went up and I was nervous, I wanted them to like it I wanted them to laugh. But from backstage I a limited view of the crowd and their reactions. BUT...there are at least five different secret holes in the set, large enough for your eye to peek out. So when i got the moment or two I got to the chance to look out into the crowd and see Their smiles and laughs and that made me happy. At the end of the play and ran through backstage area rushed to their seats! I hugged them and i smiled cause i was soo happy and thankful that they had come! But duty called so I had to leave them...only for a moment or two. I made sure things were settled and then i quickly left for the commons area where they were waiting. After that we had a night of laughter, singing songs to one word, EATING, guitar playing, and just had a good time together...

Thank you girls...cause i dont think i thanked you enough!

Im all smiles,

Steph

My Snow Day

It snowed this morning. I woke up, rubbed my tired eyes and looked out my window and what did i see?!?! Big white flakes falling from the heavens. Now that is an amazing feeling! But then it was followed by a feeling quite the opposite when i realized it wasnt sticking and that meant school! But thats okay I had a fun day anyway.

Tonight is our final performance of See How They Run. So i am leaving in a few minutes to go to school and get set and it has been fun and it will be fun tonight but i am glad it is ending and my life will be getting back to the basics and back to normal!

Thank you God for this lovely time that i have had and the time i am about to partake in,

Steph

I Miss You

I miss everyone. Bad! Tech week is so important to me and i have so many things to do but it really does suck to have to never see your family cause you are at school 14 hours a day! and I NEVER get to see my friends for more than 30mins in a week. I mean i really wanted to go to cell group but i didnt get the time and i wanted to spend some time with the best friend tonight but i couldnt and i wanted to see the sister tomorrow but i cant!

I miss everyone...period.

Steph

Biting my lip to try to contain this smile

Im really happy tonight...like whoa! Its a big conglomeration [wow thats a funny word to spell] of...

My show opens tomorrow night at 7pm, i got to see my friends that i didnt think i would see until Sunday, I just sent a message to someone special that made me giggle as i wrote, Im eating a fried peanut butter sandwich with cinnamon sugar caramelized on the bread [if you have never had one tell me and i will make one for you!] and im drinking a massive amount milk [i love milk], I get to wear Tech Black clothes all tomorrow, I get my 2nd dog tag on Saturday one that says "Cast and Crew of See How They Run November 2008", Thanksgiving is next week and that means i get to see sooo many friends that i have missed so dearly!! That also brings food and family and the Christmas Tree hunting with the Rays, and a much needed 5 day weekend, it is exactly one month from my 16th birthday, It "snowed" yesterday, im wearing comfy cozy boots right now, I touched a mouse tonight, i gave a surprise hug, i got my new bedspread today...finally going to start redecorating!, and now i am going to end this lovely day with music and homework.

"Cause I love the way you say good morning, and you take me the way I am"

Steph

Thanks =]

Im back to the old schedule...living at school and sleeping at home.

Its amazing though...how God has put me in this position. I mean there has never been a sophomore in a stage management title in Wakefield High history. And im not saying this to brag im saying this so i can thank God! Seriously He gave me these abilities and He let the teachers and other students see that i could do this and they trust me. He gave me the courage to do this. He has given me the words to say to give Him all the glory. I owe all of this to Him...i am nothing, i own nothing...in actuality i cannot brag for i have no right.
Thank you God...for everything.

I also want to thank my friends because they have been a huge and i mean huge blessing to me! They have been encouraging and they have been hilarious and fun and they make me smile all the time and they are amazing and i love them...so thank you!


G'night Everyone,
Steph

I dont wanna be sick

I feel really bad tonight! My tummy is hurting me! Of course it has to be on my favorite day of the week and on the first day back as the North Ridge "Techie Stephie" [i love kellie]. I didnt even get to help strike everything! It sucked, i had to watch them unplug things and wrap cords and put away stands...all of this i would have loved to be doing, like LOVED to be doing.

But i do have amazing friends! They sat with me on the floor and they took care of me. And made me go lay down for a while [ i love you Daryl] and asked me how i really was. They made me laugh even though it hurt me. I do have amazing friends...

Now i have to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and even if my tummy hurts i will go to school cause I have a job to do!

G'night

Steph

Shouts of Praise Through the Storm

Okay so i know that this is my second post for the night and third for the day but i just cant seem to stop my fingers from moving swiftly across the keys tonight. As i was sitting here the rain started to pour down. So now i am sitting on the porch listening to the water fall and hit the solid objects of the world and making beautiful music with every hit. Have you ever thought of rain being music?

"And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth."
Rev. 19:6

Have you ever thought of water, rain praising the Lord God? I think it amazing to think of water or mountains or wind or trees to bow and praise the Lord! Its awesome! Just think of every thunder that breaks within the storm as a shout to God proclaiming His glory!! Is that not fantastic?!? Or the wind that whistles with great magnitude between the trees that bow? I want to be like that, shouting worshiping to the Lord loud enough that it shakes the earthly ground and to bow with sincerity of praise. What a lovely thought?


To this night that started out as a cry for help has ended with a cry for praise, a shout for Christ!
Is He not spectacular? Is He not gracious and forgiving? Is He not receiving? Is He not fantastical?

I shout with the thunder that cracks the skies tonight,
Stephie

Prying Open

Im crumbling inside. On the outside i am put together, happy, and fine. But inside...well lets just say thats a different story. Its been slowly crashing down and now im at a point where I am tired of putting up a front, although i will still put up that front when i am done with this post, i have no doubt of that. One big huge problem with me is that i keep things bottled up...i hate sharing my feelings. I keep them inside and i hide...hide from the looks that go into your soul, to the "How are you?" questions that have the simple answer "good/fine" and the people that i know will see right through me. Cause from day to day i am holding myself together by...i really have no idea how i keep myself together.

Christ is there He is whispering His calls to me but i have plugged my ears cause He is saying things that i dont necessarily want to hear. I hate it, i hate that i have plugged my ears for this long. And as I slowly am crawling back to the Lord, i need help. I am crying out for help. I am willing to open up my bottle but i need some help to pry it open.

Being His painting that is continually needing work,
Steph

The thoughts on a rainy day

Its raining here. Not the pouring or consistent rain...its as if we are actually in the cloud. So it is darker in my house and its kinda chilly. A nice day to do nothing but relax and listen to music...and thats exactly what i am doing.

Ive had a great past few days. I really have! Friends are great...amazing really. And the more time i spend with them the more time i wish we had to be together.

I am tired and overwhelmed but that will be a conversation for later times...

Steph

Cries of my Heart

When i want to get away at night there is one place i go...outside. No matter how cold it is and believe me it is pretty cold tonight. I love it out here at night, there is nothing but the low whispers of the passing cars. I am listening to a song, a song i listen to often when i come outside. Its a song called Healer. And i know there are some people that are mad cause the writer was a fraud but just listen to the lyrics and make them yours and not some fake's words. Ignore all of that stuff but listen without the distractions of the world. What do you hear? You wanna know what I hear? I hear my heart, my desires, my words written in a song. When i am weak, these are the cries of my heart. When i am strong, these are the cries of my heart. When i am distracted, these are the cries of my heart. When I am falling on my knees these are the cries of my heart. When i am laughing, these are the cries of my heart. When i am crying, these are the cries of my heart. These are the cries of my heart.

I trust in you

I trust in you

I believe You're my healer

I believe You are all i need

I believe You're my portion

I believe You're more than enough for me

Jesus, you're all i need

-Steph

Our thing

So tonight... tonight i acted funny and silly and it was great! An amazing friend was over and we were playing our game...hehe. Battleship. Its our special thing and i love it. I love that we have a special thing. Even though i have lost every game from the beginning, i have loved every single moment of it. Being silly and peeking over the edge of game and making faces at her and giggling so much. Oh what fun...

*kirk* signing out,

Stephie

"Oh what a day is today"

The last...lets say...24 hours,

talking to someone missed for two hours straight and loving every moment of it, getting ready, arriving, huge screen, guitar hero tournie, standing with them...the ones i love, *smiles*, losers and winners, standing and listening together, MOVIE TIME!!, Journey to The Center of The Earth...oh the jokes!, 5 girls...one blanket to sit on, head leaning on chair behind me and joking with the one in it, getting chilly after 2 hours of sitting in the same position watching a movie outside, The Cookie Bowl, new arrivals =]]...i like them, laughter, end=clapping, clean up, inside...warm!!, stories of creepy "things" that has started The Roommate Wars [part one], Ultimate Knock Out Game, " You may be out but you are still IN"...oh Dustin!, the loser line, soccer, Rockin the back seat yo, bye bye dustin, Apt...i love, anyone hungry?...how about wings at 2am? OK!, sleep...it had to come at some point, waking up at later hours, muffin drop off, The News- Zaxby's is now open for business [ you have permission to scream...okay thats enough you dont want to look like an idiot now do you?], Catty playing the piano, ahh lovely, Sweeney Todd [sorry Jess i just love it], music provided by Catherine and Hannah Grace, goodbyes for now, Oh man i am still in my pjs @ 4:30 and i need to get ready for the day...ahhahha Saturdays at the Apt gotta love them.

off to get ready,

Steph

Nerves or Excitement?

Im it.

I have just been placed as the head stage management director for my high school's theatre company, unexpectedly...sorta. This all means that I am the stage manager for all of Wakefield Theatre Company productions. I choose assistants, prop masters and all that jazz. And yes i have been working very hard towards this very goal but wow and i mean wow God i didnt think you would make it come so quickly. You know what you are doing with my life and so im not worried but...maybe just a little worried. This is great and an amazing opportunity and really good for me but am I ready? If you think so God, then i have no need to worry. Im trusting, simply trusting.

But i am also really excited! I mean I think i might be able to change things around this place that will be great. I have ideas and plans and i cant wait to get to use them. Christ there are so many ways I can share You and Your love through this position! Christ i feel like i could really shine for You in this but can You help me? I really am excited about this and I am so thankful that I have been given this chance to work with what i love

I have butterflies flying in my tummy...nerves or excitement?

Steph

Firm.

Sometimes i am without words. I want to write...i need to write. I want to live up to "The silver tongue" nick name i was granted. I want to inspire and i want the words to flow from my mind clearly to the blank space on the screen. But for the most part i have been at a loss for words in the past few weeks. Sometimes i wish i were brave enough to speak of what i am truly feeling and sometimes i do but then there are times when i start to think about the people that read this and I clench up. I cant do it. I cant say exactly how i feel because i think about how these people that read this thing that i call my space and how they will react. Maybe it is just talking about someone in specific like saying how much i love them or confessing a secret...i dont have that many but if i did i would not type them out on here. Or maybe i am feeling down but I dont want to damper any ones day...that is definitely not one of the purposes of this blog. If i am going to write I want you to be happy after reading it and not feel sad or just sad for me, thats depressing. Although there are days when I do release my feelings directly and i feel really bad afterwards. Where did that happiness i had last night go? Cause right now I just feel like giving up...giving up on this homework that is just taking too long to finish, giving up on this blog, giving up on trying to impress, giving up on getting that one thing, giving up on trying to get that attention, giving up on starting first. Man i hate feeling like these things are winning in my life. Christ I am fighting for You but it is hard. People at school dont understand and so they reject and get defensive. I am standing still for you but im gunna need your help.

Standing firm in His light cause He chose me for a purpose, for His plan and I am going to stand firm in that,
Steph

Its Back!

Im sitting here on this cold rainy November night.[ wow its November already!] I am sipping hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and watching some non political tv show. I am sleepy...really sleepy, I have been all day. All of my 5 day weekend i have stayed up late and woken up early. But i dont mind cause every moment that i was awake i was having a spectacular time. I spent almost all of it with my sister which was awesome...especially since she has been AWOL for the past few weeks.

There was this happiness that i had at the being of this school year and i think i am beginning to get that back. The joy of everyday entering school and learning. The happiness of friendship whether it be in school or out of school. My wholehearted thanksgiving to my Lord for putting wonderful blessings into my life. It is spectacular to wake up every morning and to have this indescribable joy and love. To praise the Lord with every fiber of your being in the littlest moments of the day, not just at church with a group of people but when you are alone or in a hallway or in a classroom and just sit and close your eyes and sing in your head or out loud or just pray and thank God. Oh what a lovely feeling it is to just not care for anything but pleasing and praising Jesus Christ. I sometimes wonder to myself why I stray from this love and happiness when it is open to me all the time. But me in my human nature loves to turn my back on it. But now to sleep because to obey my parent's wishes and calls is to praise the Lord and again why would i leave this marvelous light im running.

Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
VICTORIOUSLY!


Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light

Oh happiness,
Steph

Yes it was lovely

How do you write about something fantastic? How can i convey the thoughts and feelings i felt in the moments at which my time was spent in VA? Which words can best describe my surroundings? How can i remember all that happened? The details that i tried to repeat in my mind so that they could be retold are slowly drifting away into the abyss of scattered thoughts.

But all i can say was that it was spectacularly fun. I had an amazing time spending with family and seeing movies that will come out in theatres months from now, walking down brick streets aligned with trees and cafes and boutiques. It was lovely

Yes it was lovely,

Steph