Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Sometimes i am without words. I want to write...i need to write. I want to live up to "The silver tongue" nick name i was granted. I want to inspire and i want the words to flow from my mind clearly to the blank space on the screen. But for the most part i have been at a loss for words in the past few weeks. Sometimes i wish i were brave enough to speak of what i am truly feeling and sometimes i do but then there are times when i start to think about the people that read this and I clench up. I cant do it. I cant say exactly how i feel because i think about how these people that read this thing that i call my space and how they will react. Maybe it is just talking about someone in specific like saying how much i love them or confessing a secret...i dont have that many but if i did i would not type them out on here. Or maybe i am feeling down but I dont want to damper any ones day...that is definitely not one of the purposes of this blog. If i am going to write I want you to be happy after reading it and not feel sad or just sad for me, thats depressing. Although there are days when I do release my feelings directly and i feel really bad afterwards. Where did that happiness i had last night go? Cause right now I just feel like giving up...giving up on this homework that is just taking too long to finish, giving up on this blog, giving up on trying to impress, giving up on getting that one thing, giving up on trying to get that attention, giving up on starting first. Man i hate feeling like these things are winning in my life. Christ I am fighting for You but it is hard. People at school dont understand and so they reject and get defensive. I am standing still for you but im gunna need your help.
Standing firm in His light cause He chose me for a purpose, for His plan and I am going to stand firm in that,