I just lied.
But it wasnt just a simple stupid lie like "I have a pair of lucky jeans." It was a lie that I despised and hated the words...actually word that came out of my mouth as I spoke it. It was because I lied to a person that I never lie to. I tell her everything and I hold nothing back from her. She is my mentor and I have no reason to lie to her. But I lied straight to her face, with a smile. So the minutes following the lie...7 minutes to be exact... I just loathed myself and my stupid tongue for spitting out that insane lie. Even though this lie is common and is spoken from a person's mouth at least once a week, probably more. I hated it, I couldn't stand it! So I called her. Believe me, every moment that the phone rang I wanted to hang up, I wanted her not to answer, and I wanted to have never pressed "Send." But I had to do it and I knew that.
And then she said "Hello."
We talked for about 30 minutes...me sitting on my back porch, crying and her probably in her apartment parking lot being all controlled and stable. It was exactly what I needed.
I wish I could write more about it...just because I like writing about things in my life, but...
But it wasnt just a simple stupid lie like "I have a pair of lucky jeans." It was a lie that I despised and hated the words...actually word that came out of my mouth as I spoke it. It was because I lied to a person that I never lie to. I tell her everything and I hold nothing back from her. She is my mentor and I have no reason to lie to her. But I lied straight to her face, with a smile. So the minutes following the lie...7 minutes to be exact... I just loathed myself and my stupid tongue for spitting out that insane lie. Even though this lie is common and is spoken from a person's mouth at least once a week, probably more. I hated it, I couldn't stand it! So I called her. Believe me, every moment that the phone rang I wanted to hang up, I wanted her not to answer, and I wanted to have never pressed "Send." But I had to do it and I knew that.
And then she said "Hello."
We talked for about 30 minutes...me sitting on my back porch, crying and her probably in her apartment parking lot being all controlled and stable. It was exactly what I needed.
I wish I could write more about it...just because I like writing about things in my life, but...
- that would mean I would be telling this world called the Internet about things that it is really none of their business. And I really dont mean that in an offensive way, but i just mean literally it is none of their business.
- This time I have and the talks I have with this one person...i do not share. They are things between the two of us and God.
- I feel as if I cannot write very much on here anymore. Not pertaining to my personal life and my "feelings" i guess. There are now too many people that read this blog for that. I started this as a way to write and express me and my thoughts by writing, but now I cannot fully express because I am not that open of a person and some things just shouldnt be shared with all.
Crying makes me exhausted! Maybe I'll get to talk to this person soon...yeah schedules are probably going to reject that idea, but a girl can hope.
Tomorrow I'll write about why she was here in the first place,
Stephie
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