How much more can you Bless me Lord?

Sitting here on this lovely New Years Eve Dec 31st 2008 at 2:02pm. Im at my table in the kitchen with the windows open and the cool but warm breeze flowing freely in. The soundtrack of Twilight playing from the cd player in the corner of the kitchen. A big bowl of steaming spaghetti and a nice cold glass of Ice Tea sitting right in front of me [ that reminds me of Pastor Sam's comment on Sunday "It's like explaining Sweet Tea to southerners, they are gunna know what it is." that made me laugh]. Clothes ready to be packed for a 4 day trip to the wonderful Beaufort. Oh this is a lovely day.

And last night, wow last night was better than i even expected. A Jane Austen night with my girls and one special mom like figure and you cant forget about the Miller Boys comin in and bringing the fun level to an all time high. I need a list of that night;

Welcomed at the door, tarts, drinks, persuasion, curly sideburns, awkward kisses, The Candle Blowing, "His Eyes are beautiful"- oh how i love Bethany, our little waiter for the night, Coldplay's crimes of stealing, arrivals, the drop by, "I need to tell you something", Oh the nerf guns, Sense and Sensibility, videos, Camera = Exhausted, reenactments, basketball boys return, and the nerfing continues but on a whole other level, wrestling match between brother and sister, apparently im too smiley to get shot, Pride and Prejudice, taste of Moxie, Nate talks nonstop, favorite parts or P&P discussion, and the inevitable goodbyes, locked out of the apt haha, HGeezers house here i come...fun night dont you think?

And tonight Apt New Years...tomorrow leaving for the beach with Jessica Lyndon Ray [meaning the band but that includes her too...go figure]. 4 days listening to them play and taking pictures and video for them and just hanging out with them at the beach ...seriously can you think of a better way to spend a weekend?

Whitney gets off of work in 1 1/2 hours!! Yipper Skipper!

New Years Resolutions:
- Praise the Lord God Almighty harder every day
- Have more fun than this year! is that possible?


Happy New Year Everyone
Stephie

Production- Heart & Attitude

Whoa.

Today i took the time to go on the computer and just look up some of Hillsong/Hillsong United's Production Teams and their roles and their outlook on their job. And if you know me then you know that I am pretty much obbessesed with anything technical and i would love to work with any youth ministries conferences or a Christian band or something like that and if i do want to do this then why not look to the best of them all...Hillsong.

I wish i could copy and paste this entire page but that would be one long post so i wont do that...but seriously this is a perfect site for me tonight. I needed this. In the past few months I have felt a kind of distance from tech, just cause i think I have focused on fufilling and meeting the needs of everyone with perfection and if i didnt do up to just my standards then i felt like a failure and it was like this for weeks and i couldnt get rid of it but as I read these words on this page I realize what i was doing wrong and i will probably do wrong again in the future just because I am a human...I was looking at myself and thinking of these gifts that my God has blessed me with as talents that I MYSELF have acquired MYSELF and not through MY GOD...wow that is a royal offense and one that should not be forgiven, but He is spectacular isn't He? Sheesh this site is perfection.

If I keep this mindset for the rest of my lovely days here on earth I will be the richest person in the world...The Holy Spirit working within me, A saving Christ, and Loyal God, a job that glorifies Him...the list can just go on with the wealth of blessings He has bestowed upon me.

Knowing Him.
I can't think of anything worth more, can you?

Hillsong Church Production Team- Heart & Attitude: http://www2.hillsong.com/church/default.asp?pid=567

Stephie

I just...

What to say? What to say?...

I just dont know what to say. But i want to type and write but i guess i can do that later.


One thing i really need to have really soon is a good Worship. I am serious it has been a while and i just need it.

The End.

I Cant Stop Writing Tonight

Do you know what I want to do??


Yes I do have plans for my life...what i want to do with my life, where I would like to go to college things like that... those are also things that can be changed in an instant, He is in control.

But right now? What do I want to do now? There are these ideas rolling around in my head...

1. And this is really number one on my list of things i want to do at this moment, i want to really get to know the Junior High girls! Like seriously, I really want to talk to them and I want to know their relationship with Christ and I want to encourage them in Christ! I want to lead them and I want to be someone that they can look up to. I have had some older people in my life that have been exactly that and I have come to know the Lord so much better by them being a big part of my life and looking up to them. Every time I am around them I have this desire to get to know them better and talk to them. In this new year that is my goal...all of that.
2. I want to be more enjoyable around my family...seriously I am a mean person sometimes around them and sometimes it is provoked and sometimes not but i need to be Christ-like and so that means pushing away from that evilness.
3. I want to work hard in school...not just get my homework done just cause it needs to be done but because i have a desire to serve the Lord and doing my homework however little it may seem is a part of serving Him. That along with so many things such as submitting to authority [parents, teachers, sheps, older siblings,...etc.]

So those are some of the things i wish to get accomplished by His will only of course.

Smiley ponhen,
Stephie

There is that smile

So recap real quick:

• Christmas was awesome! Whit got a puppy and i got a new camera ! =]]]
• Friends are amazing and family is indescribable!

The End of the recap and on to today/tonight...

So today was filled with lovely people. The reason, well thats simple...Indie. Indie is the name of Whitney's new puppy. She basically is the cutest Golden Retriever puppy like ever. I got to see dear friends of mine all day long and that made me smile...so much.

I got to give my gift to The Apt and i think they liked it...me and Samantha had fun making one half of it together. I think I like her...a lot =].

Tonight my family and I along with a common law (hehe common law hehe) sister Jess [i wish my other one had stayed too] just relaxed and watched movies tonight in our basement. The movies were decent but it was just good to sit down with some of the people i love and relax. I think i might have even fallen asleep during the first movie...when i awoke i saw Jess's smile peeking around the blanket at me...that was a nice awakening. Then after the first movie was over we ended up just turning on the tv and watching a second one. During the second one i gravitated towards laying my head on Jess's shoulder. We kinda had a shnuggy moment...which for anyone who knows me really well knows that im not a person to shnuggle up to someone, but tonight i didnt mind to cuddle up next to Jess. It made me feel safe and happy cause there was this one moment during the movie where i tensed up...i didnt like that part in the movie. And i dont know if she even felt it or not but just cause she was there i was able to calm myself down.

And now on to the hopes of tomorrow

But pretty much the day was spectacular.
Stephie

Happy Christmsa

So it is about 7 minutes until the clock strikes midnight and Christmas has officially arrived. Did it just pop up on anyone other than me? I feel like it was just the beginning of the school year and now Christmas is here... whoa. 

Anywho...it is about 56 degrees outside and i am sitting out on our porch listening to the wind in a big hoodie and sweat pants. I just finished all my wrapping and now i am just waiting for the cookies that i just put in the oven to be ready so i can eat them...yumm. My family went to our church's candle lighting service tonight and it was fun and i got to see all of the dear ones in my life. Then we went to a lovely family's house for a Christmas party. It was so much fun...we just hung out and laughed with each other and learned about Christmas traditions and had rematches and fun times together. It was a blast and i dont think i could have spent my Christmas Eve with a better group of people! I love them all so dearly. 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Stephie 

Let's be honest

To be honest...ive been in this groove lately that i keep on failing and as much as I am trying to get back on my feet and hold onto Christ's outstretched welcoming hand I cant. I seem to be reaching but instead of grasping it i fall on the ground again and it is wearing on my heart, my body, my mind, my relationships...my everything. I can keep a smile on my face and be happy when i am out and about but it is getting harder and harder with each passing moment...

I am staring a notebook right in front of me, it is begging me to unfold it's cover and taint its clean lined paper. The cover is so beautiful and the note inside is even prettier. And i want to write and sharpen like the little note says but I dont want to just write anything cause this is too special to me for my pen just to scribble words of nonsense on those lovely pages. Even since i have gotten this dear notebook i have carried it with me wherever i go, not wanting to let it out of my sight.

"God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let mercy sing
her melody over me
and God, right here all I bring
is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in


I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You


'Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
the Lover I need to save me
'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
so hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now"

Tonight I will open that notebook and i will write with no hesitation. I will write of His glory and His love. I will write so i can express my thoughts and I will most definitely enjoy sharing my feelings with the LORD! Because I love Him most and my desire is to follow hard after Him only.

Dear My Lovies

I have been completely blessed with amazing friends. Friday was my sixteenth birthday and it was a blast...just because i got to spend it with my lovies. The day started with lunch with two wonderful girls...Daryl and Hannah Grace. We laughed and talked serious and just had a fantastic time together...i love those two girls. Later that night some of the most radiant girls came over to my house and we had a fabulous meal together. We opened presents and laughed and smiled and had a great time. As for my gifts i think the best part of the presents were the cards or little notes i got to go along with them. Each one meant so much to me. Two in particular i have read at least 5 times =]. Anywho back to the night...after dinner we went to go see a very personal friend sing in a band...it was amazing fun and they were awesome! After the show we went back to my house were we ate junk food and feel asleep while watching Horton Hears a Who.

Basically...my birthday was beast because of the people i spent it with.
Stephie

Yay.

I am 16.


The End
Stephie

The Word

Driving in the Night
By Stephanie

The rain slides under the wet wheels.
Lights pass fewer and fewer by the hour.
Nothing but the water falling from the heavens to keep our company.
Headlights from the following car is the only light that pours through our windows now.
The heat envelopes us,
comforting us.
My fingers still wander across the ice cold window,
Seeking the wetness on the other side.

Sleep is beckoning me but I try to resist it's powerful grip.
My eyes find a sleeping body next to me.
I smile as I see my sister dreaming in peace,
Away from the terror of the modern world around us.
My eyelids are weighted and begin to fall.
As much as I struggle,
Sleep slowly overcomes.
When I awake I wish to find that the light has saved us from our endless darkness of night.

About a couple years ago I found that I really enjoyed to write. At one point I was even writing a book...which if you are reading and you didn't know about that don't bother asking cause it was stupid and got accidentally erased so there. The poem above was something i wrote on a lovely trip to the 2008 Planet Wisdom Youth Conference. I haven't thought about that poem for so long but like 5 people have brought it up this past week so i thought i would bring it back out of hiding. I wish i still wrote like this...you know like poems and such. I used to sit in my room, in a car, outside on a porch and just write poetry. It was a great way for me to release and get away from everything. But I haven't done that in a long while.

I just love to read and write...i feel like you can really get to know someone by reading their work. Cause in every piece of my writings has some part of me and my personality and my feelings and emotions at the time. That's why I love to dig into the Bible...I get to know the Lord my God so much better by each word i read. If my desire is to get to know Him better then shouldn't I go directly to His Word?? Makes sense doesn't it?

Finding out more everyday,
Stephie

Serving Completely

As i sit here and think back upon my weekend i am struck by how much Christ has worked in my heart just in the past few days. I mean we started out the Lock-In with the best set of worship i think we have ever had and it was great!! It was the type of worship where your hands cannot be raised any higher and your voice cant get any louder [ i didnt care AT ALL if I was off key or anything like that] it basically was the best feeling in the world. I love praising my Lord and Savior! My smile was beyond the limits of my face. And to think the night got better from there!! After worship there was this time were some people went up and gave their testimonies. Good gracious, you put my little brother up in front and have him tell his testimony and what the Lord has put on his heart and i will cry my eyes out...oh man that was a good cry. and then the floor was opened up for anyone who wanted to share their heart. And as usual it took me a while to get up the courage to speak but i really wanted to so i did end up sitting up on that stool and crying and saying the things that Christ had really laid on my heart lately. I couldnt look at certain people while i was talking...wow i looked at Catherine at one point and about lost it but luckily I composed myself enough to end my little speech or whatever...but i had to end it with something that would make some giggle...so i ended it with the number one conversation ender...So There. haha. Anywho, it was an amazing encouragement to see my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ speak about their walk with Him...it was so great! That night was full of fun games and great times together with the people i truly love to death, they are pretty much amazing people. Then the next day was spent with a dear friend that just got back from college...we went to three of my friend's basketball games. Both games were soo much fun. AND then my other friend and i went to The Apt and hung out there for a while before heading to go hang out with a pretty fantastic family. and now tonight...tonight was my last night of tech and it was also the last night of the series. At the end of the night i sat there my arm holding a dear friend sitting next to me and my thoughts were racing...

"I want those words up on that screen, i want to go to school tomorrow and declare Christ. i want that life i want a brilliant life for Christ!"

that is just the tiniest bit of what all i was thinking but wow thats what i want!

and now i have to get some sleep cause i havent got that much of it lately,

G'night God...help me serve you completely tomorrow. Amen,

Stephie

As I bow before Him

I dont think i can write enough blogs and enough words to complete my desire to write for Christ. This series we are on in youth group has been amazing. A Brilliant Life. It has impacted my heart more than, i think, all of the rest. I come away and in my everyday i life i find myself living my life more for Him. My decisions...i look to Him. The steps I take to take me forward in my day...i look to Him. The questions I answer...i look to Him. The smile on my face throughout the day...is because of Him. The way i act and present myself in everyday life...is because I am His bought by His blood and the only way i should act is in a way that should please His heart. Every breath i should take in a day...is only because of His love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness so who am i to think that it is I that am in charge of things.

His, for Christ bought me by an untouchable price...

Stephie

Aperture...

It was great...From the moment the final bell rang i smiled in thoughts of the lovely hours to come. I got to the big floor to ceiling windows and looked out in hopes of seeing Jo...hehe...and then i spotted her. So I skipped out into the rain in the direction of Jo and the lovely girl sitting inside. The rain didnt damper my day at all...it probably made it better. We arrived at our destination...Starbies =]. Her new camera gave us a toy to play with as we talked and laughed and enjoyed the time we had together...cause it had been a while since the last time we had done something like that.  We took fun pictures and used "Cool" words like aperture. It was like time was of no use and it was just us and the camera...that has yet to have a name, but that is easily remedied. But as it did come to an end...it seemed as if we were only together for like 30 minutes but in actuality we were together for about 3 hours...

lovely. 

So now i just remember those wonderful memories of those three hours but i still have the hopes for tomorrow after school...=] 

 

Smiley 15 year old...only for 7 more days,

Stephie

Turtleish

Well its here isnt it...poop. Ive been kind of awaiting this and now i dont know what to say. But i do this a lot! I clinch up and try to hide again and suck back into that shell i have made for myself...but its kind of too late for that now isnt it? Ill be fine, just being me... worrying about the little things.

No way am i going to be paying attention in class tomorrow...

Stephie

For I will yet Praise!

I cant keep it in, I dont want to hide it, I want to shout it throughout the world! This love, this mercy, this forgiveness, this joy, His glory. I want to change things NOW not later, not next week or next month...NOW. All for Him! Every day my desire to get to know Him increases and every day i am struck by these decisions that a couple months ago i would have breezed right through without thinking about them but now i look at those decisions and to answer them i am always looking to God and trying to answer them with every word praising Christ Jesus my Lord and Savior.

PS. This is a picture i took of Psalm 42:5-6. and this one verse is in the bible three times and in two different Psalms! Its amazing...and I love it!

His love is consuming me

Hallelujah!

Stephie

Amen

It is amazing to see the work of Christ in my friends. It seems like every day now i am seeing my friends come to the Lord in complete humility and fall on their faces in the desire for Him. And i adore it! To see my friends shining in the light of His glory is such an amazing feeling. Cause I love them to death and the one thing I want, desire for them is a pure and wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ.

In His arms with the ones I love,

Stephie

Just call me Smiles

My church is so freaking amazing!! I am so lucky to be a part of a youth group and a church family that is so close and is so centered on the glorification of Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior. I just cant get enough of it...I have some of the bestest friends in the world there. I met my mentor there, I have family that goes there [or some that i call family], my sister's roommates were met there, I was baptized there, I came fully to the Lord there, some of the greatest moments in my life were THERE. I love it so much. God put this in my life right at the exact moment when it was needed, and i thank Him everyday for this blessing that is called North Ridge Church.

Tonight was cell group... senior high girls, cookies, laughter, best friends, talks of The Christmas Party, stories, The Word, the power of the Holy Spirit, the joy of seeing other's desires for Christ.
I love those girls...so much. [ The Alumni too!...that would be you Katie and Anna]

Also I made a phone call tonight. One phone call that i had been nervous to make. I dont really entirely know why i was nervous cause it was one person that I love and could say anything to but anywho, I would love to have a perfect memory so i could remember all that was said and everything we had talked about but i dont have that good of a memory so i can only remember the things that made me smile and giggle and repeat in my head as i was talking to her. But those are good enough for me...until we hang out next. I cant wait till our special "date day"...a week is too long though. But that is just one more thing to look forward to next week and hopefully it will make the week go by faster.


"Then bursting forth in glorious day, out from the grave He rose again and as He stands in victory. Since curses lost its grip on me, for I am His and He is mine bought with precious blood of Christ...

No guilt in life, no fear in death. This is the power of Christ in me. From life's first cries to final breath Jesus commands my destiny. No power of Hell and no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hands. Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ ill stand."

My desire for Him grows with every breath i intake,
Steph

Yeah

There are some things that are completely wearing on my heart tonight but i dont feel like pouring them out onto a computer screen. Maybe sometime later ill speak them out loud but not tonight. And just as all the hopes of a better night have failed i have some homework to do so off i go.

Rita Springer is always good company on these nights,

steph