Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Mr. Change, You come too fast.

I dont like change.

I find that change scares me. If i were to tell you my number one fear it would be change or something related to change. Like for instance I am terrified the ones i love leaving or myself leaving the ones i love.

I miss things a lot.
I am a very sentimental person and I dont really like saying that cause it makes me feel weak. But I am. I love keeping little things from the past so I can look back and remember. One reason I started this was because I wanted to remember everything and i knew i would write everything down here. I just read my first few blog posts today and wow i miss those days. When my room was ours. When I awoke to many girls in my room and I remember just sitting there and smileing and just thanking God for giving them to me. When nights were endless because we used to stay awake just trying to get to know each other even better. I miss those days.

To be completely honest...I'm afraid that Jess is going to leave and miss me graduating and miss the rest of my life. I'm afriad that Cat's gunna to leave and work with Lifted and Remember Nhu and I'll see her periodically. I'm afraid that Whit's not going to stay in Raleigh for her entire life. I'm afraid that I'm gunna leave Whitney. I'm afraid that I'm going to leave this country. I am afraid.

and i know i shouldn't be, because God will take care of it all...but I am a human and so sometimes I just forget and thats when I get scared and fear takes over.

and this is a conversation that Whit and I just had...I love her.


do you know what my ultimate fear is?




I am terrified the ones i love leaving or myself leaving the ones i love.

Which i know both are going to happen


well, i will never leave you


and thats why it freaks me out


even if you move away to go to moving too.



and if i leave the country?


i will leave the country with you

Now i have a headache,


Katie Smith said...

You're not alone, love. But let me tell you from experience, that God never changes and never leaves you. That may be the only thing that is always with you, but its the only thing you need. I know you, Steph. I know you're so strong. I know that if the worst thing that could happen, happened to you, you would turn to God, cry in his arms, and he would hold you tight. You would rely on Him. You will always rely on Him.

samantha said...

this is the sweetest thing i've ever read.